We all know that keeping a long-distance relationship is hard enough. So it’s easy to think that mending one is utterly hopeless. When it comes to love, nothing is impossible. And even though a lot of people think that a long-distance relationship is not worth saving, the least you can do is fight for it with everything you’ve got before you throw in the towel.
Want to know how you can win your ex back even with the odds stacked up against you? Here’s a short guide that will hopefully help you get on the right track.
First, you need to get your mind in the right perspective.
You need to look at the situation for what it is, and not for what you want it to be. Long-distance relationships require a lot of work. There’s just no way you can be in it half-heartedly. You need to give your all. You also need to ask yourself some very important questions like:
How serious are you in this relationship?
What are the things about yourself that you need to work on?
What are the reasons the relationship didn’t work the first time?
Why do you want to get back with this specific person?
By answering these questions sincerely, you’ll be able to decide whether you should still pursue this relationship. Be honest with yourself. Don’t be afraid to dig deep to uncover what your motivations are in wanting to get back with your ex. You might just discover a thing or two about yourself.
Second, make sure that you have a “no contact” period so that you can process your thoughts and emotions without any distractions.
Sometimes, social media and emails can get in the way of making important decisions. With information about your ex readily available online, you might only end up stalking your ex, or worse, try to beg him or her to take you back. By having a “no contact” period, you’ll be able to avoid the dirty details being posted on social media that could get in the way of your processing period.
Third, after processing your thoughts and emotions, you’ll then be ready to start communicating again.
Here’s where it can get a bit tricky. You don’t want your first contact to come off as desperate, so even if you feel like there are a lot of things you want to say to your ex, I suggest that you fight the urge. Don’t give too much information away. Start with a fun and positive message on Facebook or Skype.
If you’re more comfortable communicating over email, send your ex a short message. Whatever avenue you choose, it’s important that you don’t resort to drama. And don’t start the communication with something meaningless like, “What’s up?”
Fourth, brace yourself.
The period after reconnecting is when you’ll know for sure whether or not you should get back with your ex and give your long-distance relationship another go. Once you’ve established communication again, there’s a chance that the memories will flood back and you might find yourself where you first started.
Don’t let yourself be taken away with the past. Stand your ground and turn your sights on the future. Take this time to process everything that went wrong in the relationship with your ex. This can be a painful time, but it will help the both of you process the negative things that happened. In order to mend relationships, there should be reconciliation.
Fifth, forgive, but never forget.
Whether you’ve decided at this point to get back with your ex or not, what’s important is that you both learn to forgive each other. Just the mere fact that you’re trying to get back with someone is already enough proof to see that there was something special there.
Take this opportunity to apologize for the bad things you’ve done. Don’t try to justify it. Just say you’re sorry. If your ex comes forward with his or her own apology, be sincere in accepting it. Let your ex know explicitly that you’ve forgiven him or her. At this time, you can start mentioning the good things about your relationship that you’ll never forget.
As humans, we need to accept that we will always be bound to the past by our memories. But we shouldn’t let the bad memories take control over us. When you’ve both said your piece, you’ll be able to move on to a new chapter in your lives. Whether together or separately, that really depends on your mutual decision.
Sixth, start with a clean slate.
Start communicating regularly again as friends. Since you live apart from each other, make the effort to let each other know about what you’ve been up to. Don’t put any pressure on it, especially if you’ve both decided to just be friends at this point.
Don’t stress too much if your ex doesn’t seem to be giving in 100% effort in communicating with you. This is the opportunity to build the attraction again so just be happy that you have a chance for a fresh start.
If there is one thing that you need to remember about long distance relationships, it’s this: When there’s a will, there’s a way. Don’t give up just because you think it will never happen for you. If you want something so bad, you’ll find ways to make it work.
In the grand scheme of things, everything happens for a reason. You just need to be optimistic about the situation. There’s always going to be a light at the end of the tunnel if you choose to see it that way. The important thing is that you live your life in the best possible way you can.
Don’t settle for things or situations just because you think it’s the best you can get. Learn to live in the moment and grab every opportunity to learn something new. People have the tendency to let their hearts override their heads so try not to let your emotions overtake your common sense.