How To Get A Long Distance Ex Back?

We all know that keeping a long-distance relationship is hard enough. So it’s easy to think that mending one is utterly hopeless. When it comes to love, nothing is impossible. And even though a lot of people think that a long-distance relationship is not worth saving, the least you can do is fight for it with everything you’ve got before you throw in the towel.

Want to know how you can win your ex back even with the odds stacked up against you? Here’s a short guide that will hopefully help you get on the right track.

 

First, you need to get your mind in the right perspective.

You need to look at the situation for what it is, and not for what you want it to be. Long-distance relationships require a lot of work. There’s just no way you can be in it half-heartedly. You need to give your all. You also need to ask yourself some very important questions like:

How serious are you in this relationship?

What are the things about yourself that you need to work on?

What are the reasons the relationship didn’t work the first time?

Why do you want to get back with this specific person?

By answering these questions sincerely, you’ll be able to decide whether you should still pursue this relationship. Be honest with yourself. Don’t be afraid to dig deep to uncover what your motivations are in wanting to get back with your ex. You might just discover a thing or two about yourself.

 

Second, make sure that you have a “no contact” period so that you can process your thoughts and emotions without any distractions.

Sometimes, social media and emails can get in the way of making important decisions. With information about your ex readily available online, you might only end up stalking your ex, or worse, try to beg him or her to take you back. By having a “no contact” period, you’ll be able to avoid the dirty details being posted on social media that could get in the way of your processing period.

 

Third, after processing your thoughts and emotions, you’ll then be ready to start communicating again.

Here’s where it can get a bit tricky. You don’t want your first contact to come off as desperate, so even if you feel like there are a lot of things you want to say to your ex, I suggest that you fight the urge. Don’t give too much information away. Start with a fun and positive message on Facebook or Skype.

If you’re more comfortable communicating over email, send your ex a short message. Whatever avenue you choose, it’s important that you don’t resort to drama. And don’t start the communication with something meaningless like, “What’s up?”

 

Fourth, brace yourself.

The period after reconnecting is when you’ll know for sure whether or not you should get back with your ex and give your long-distance relationship another go. Once you’ve established communication again, there’s a chance that the memories will flood back and you might find yourself where you first started.

Don’t let yourself be taken away with the past. Stand your ground and turn your sights on the future. Take this time to process everything that went wrong in the relationship with your ex. This can be a painful time, but it will help the both of you process the negative things that happened. In order to mend relationships, there should be reconciliation.

 

Fifth, forgive, but never forget.

Whether you’ve decided at this point to get back with your ex or not, what’s important is that you both learn to forgive each other. Just the mere fact that you’re trying to get back with someone is already enough proof to see that there was something special there.

Take this opportunity to apologize for the bad things you’ve done. Don’t try to justify it. Just say you’re sorry. If your ex comes forward with his or her own apology, be sincere in accepting it. Let your ex know explicitly that you’ve forgiven him or her. At this time, you can start mentioning the good things about your relationship that you’ll never forget.

As humans, we need to accept that we will always be bound to the past by our memories. But we shouldn’t let the bad memories take control over us. When you’ve both said your piece, you’ll be able to move on to a new chapter in your lives. Whether together or separately, that really depends on your mutual decision.

 

Sixth, start with a clean slate.

Start communicating regularly again as friends. Since you live apart from each other, make the effort to let each other know about what you’ve been up to. Don’t put any pressure on it, especially if you’ve both decided to just be friends at this point.

Don’t stress too much if your ex doesn’t seem to be giving in 100% effort in communicating with you. This is the opportunity to build the attraction again so just be happy that you have a chance for a fresh start.

If there is one thing that you need to remember about long distance relationships, it’s this: When there’s a will, there’s a way. Don’t give up just because you think it will never happen for you. If you want something so bad, you’ll find ways to make it work.

In the grand scheme of things, everything happens for a reason. You just need to be optimistic about the situation. There’s always going to be a light at the end of the tunnel if you choose to see it that way. The important thing is that you live your life in the best possible way you can.

Don’t settle for things or situations just because you think it’s the best you can get. Learn to live in the moment and grab every opportunity to learn something new. People have the tendency to let their hearts override their heads so try not to let your emotions overtake your common sense.

 

29 thoughts on “How To Get A Long Distance Ex Back?

  1. Is this the place where I can leave my questions? If it isn’t I would say apologize to you, but my situation is really really ambiguous and complicated. and I don’t know where I can drop my curiosity.

    Let me start with the beginning of the story, at first, I’m really confident that we were a strong couple, we’ve passed through many things together and have fantastic memories.

    And then we have to stay apart because she has to go study abroad at US, but I have to stay working in my hometown for a year with a promise that I’m going to follow her next year. Because at first I don’t have any chance as she has, so I have to collect my money myself and my parents also really want me to find what’s my favorite first before let me go to continue studying master degree. (I know it’s quite childish but please understand it is our tradition, I won’t tell you it’s Thailand.)

    The thing is I already accepted that at first a Long Distance Relationship is extremely difficult. So I decided to tell her “is it good if we break up right now, and let each other enjoy life as much as we like when we are apart?” and she replied “no, she couldn’t stand that.” And I followed what she likes.

    She’s studying, I’m working as a journalist. At first, we were able to talk everyday and my work wasn’t difficult as it is now. We’ve been through it for 3 months after that my score didn’t reach the evaluation, that means I have to work harder and have less time to talk to her.

    After three months, I don’t know why she forced me to give her the answer that how soon can I be with her over there even I told her hundred times already. And I always insisted that I will go there for sure but the ploblem is about the time and my reliability to apply a Visa to US (my parents’ statement is unreliable, they have budget but not reliability) I have to built it myself. therefore, she started telling me that she’s tired of hope how sure I can be there, and it makes her stress out before we argued for a couple times. Then She told me she wanted to take a break between us, let’s just be friend.

    And as you guess I didn’t follow a no contact period as your suggestion. I fell into the despair and did several bullshit things. I call her like once a week for two weeks following my instinct that if I lose contact and i would lose her also, slipped the prohibited word like “I miss you some.” The conversations were flat but just her voice really made me smiling. After that she told me there was a guy to try to ask her out and she goes with him even she knows that he has nothing like her ideal man (as she told me.) and it’s really like a “rebound” We never lose contact longer than 7 days, but we talked much less than before.

    A month passed it was our anniversary and I tried to remind her our special occasion by e’mail. And I changed my mind not to do but my finger again slipped to press “send button.” I was really freak out but after a day passed she sent me an e-mail containing a sentence like “right now it is a hard time for us, but if destiny says we are together, we are together in one day”

    Since then i tried to disappear, but she asked me for couple favors to help her, and I did it without romantic affection, replied only what she asked no small talk. She told me that I am changing (even I want to say yes.) and I said i’m nothing.

    Until again today she began talk to me about what happen in my circle and I just sent her a photo that describe everything. then she asked me like ‘Hey how are you” I read but I didn’t reply because I tried to get over “no contact period” as your suggestion. but then she said ‘oh really, you read but don’t answer me?” I replied her ‘I went to the gym,’ and end the conversation. I was very weak .

    Nothing can describe our boundary as we know, but I’m really not sure that what I’ve done is breaking the “No contact period” isn’t it? or is it the usual way

    somehow I think she still has feeling to me but it just impossible without physical pleasure. I’m afraid that my disappearance would be a ticket to leave her forever. but also if I keep available for her every single time would let me into the friendzone.

    I think the best way to fix my relation is to surprise her over there, but it’s going to push away my plan to collect money again like two three months and I have to left my work

    Would you please tell me, am I in the right way and if I still have a chance and what would I have to do next because it is very ambiguous. I really want to get her back.

    P.s. no one in her circle at our home country know that we broke up but her friends over there in US know, and she hints me some that she would not want people in my home country know, even her mother. she’s kind of selfish but I can accept that possibly? Should I continue start my rebound also?

    your sincerely
    Elle

    1. The very first thing you need to do is to get your emotions under control. If your emotions is all over the places, everything you do will probably make the situation worse.

      So you need to stick to no contact in order to give yourself the time to heal.

      With that said, it is probably not a good idea to totally ignore her. That makes you look very immature. Instead, what you can do is to tell her that you need some time to heal. You will reach out to her again once you are feeling better.

      Don’t worry about losing her because of no contact. There is no point staying in contact anyway if you are constantly feeling emotional. That is not going to help you make any progress.

      Instead, you should focus on healing yourself as soon as possible. Only when you have truly healed will you have the emotional strength to save your relationship.

  2. Long distance realtionships suck. I met this girl online in january, we had a great pleasure communicating. Went to see her in south africa -i am from italy- 3 times. We spent in total almost 2 month together and it was amazing- she was my buddy, my love. One month ago she broke up, thanking me for everything, saying this has been the best relationship in her life but she s not fully certain she wants it so she needs to find herself. It was like being hit by a truck. I was already planning to move to Durban and live with her. I wrote her emails asking for explanation and finally she explained. She was not sure she wanted the relationship. Even though she told me she loves me etc, but then she said it was to please me and she should have been more frank about her doubts. I wrote her a final email, saying I wish she can solve her problems, saying this break-up made me face certain fears in me so I am getting stronger. I thanked her for the wonderful time together. She did not reply at all, which hurts because it was such a sincere and deep and loving letter, but not needy. I would love to be her man. But i think it won’t happen. If you really love someone and see a possible future, you just know it. So it is not worth it trying to get back together. Unfortunately.

    1. I am having exactly the same situation. We love each other for more than a year but now he wants to find himself first. I feel so helpless, and I have no choice but letting him go.

      1. Give him the time and space he needs. Who knows after some time, he will want to explore a relationship with you again.

        Of course, it will be better if you can let go without any expectation.

        Also, think about what is the most constructive thing you can do now?

        I would say you should work on yourself since this is the only person you have control over.

        If after a few months of working on yourself and you realize that you still love him and want to try getting back together, you can always get in touch with him again.

        A relationship is only truly over if both parties decided it is over. If one of you is still willing to give it a shot, it is possible to make the relationship work again.

  3. I’ll try to make a long and emotional story short – but I really need some perspective.

    My long distance boyfriend and I dated for 6 years. It really has been nothing than a wonderful relationship despite the distance. 8 months ago we were trying to make our worlds collide and he had been trying to get me to move to Florida- after months of deliberating and trying to figure it out, it was hard because I got a job at a really good med program, but I decided that OK, this time I’ll make a sacrifice for us, because he is usually the one who does.

    That’s when everything started to change. Long story short it has been the longest 6 months of my life – while he admitted that he got scared and kept reassuring me that he still wants nothing more than for us to be together, he definitely also took me for granted seeing that I was ready to fight for us (it’s usually the opposite, he’s the one who had always been more ready and more invested).

    I found out by accident recently that he has actually been cheating on me (I was of course heart broken) and confronted him. Funny thing is I tried breaking up with him a few weeks before that because it was all just getting to be too much and he just wouldn’t let me and reassured me that we are so close to making it work. So of course there was an emotional break up.

    He texted and called that day – I haven’t responded to any of it. And then he texted again a week after saying he wanted to talk about everything and just how he loves me more than anything and so on.

    Now it had been a week since and nothing from him. And two days ago, he posted a picture of the person he cheated with on Facebook, can you imagine??! Ah I almost texted him in anger, but didn’t.

    The truth is, it has been a learning process about myself, I am not sure that I would be able to forgive even if he tried. But I think somehow I keep hoping that he regrets it and that he still cares – yes I don’t know where this can lead to- but it is hard to believe that after that long he would just move on and hurt me that much more.

    Does it sounds like he doesn’t care if he hasn’t tried repeatedly. I feel like if you really care about someone, you will contact them more than one every week?

    1. That’s not necessary true. Different people show care and concern differently.

      You also have to understand that he might be feeling guilty. Guilt may prevent him from reaching out to you. Or there may be other reasons why he is not reaching out to you.

      In my opinion, saving this relationship is not impossible. The important thing is you have to get very clear about what you want. If you don’t even know what you want, then you will not know which direction to move. That is not going to get you anywhere.

      So I suggest that you take out a pen and paper. On one side, write down the reasons why the relationship is worth saving. On the other side, write down why the relationship is not worth saving or if there is any deal breakers.

      Writing things down is going to help you clear your mind so that you know what you want. If you still want to get your ex back, don’t hold on to your false belief such as “if you care about someone, you will contact them more than once per week”.

      Like I mentioned, there are many reasons why you won’t contact someone even if you love them. One possible reason is fear.

  4. My ex and I had been dating for about 6 months before the whole break up thing happened. Many people say I shouldn’t be feeling as strongly as I am because it was so short but we were talking about what we wanted in the future, how we wanted that together and even love was thrown in there. Yet, 2 months ago, he was accepted into the air force after over 18 months of waiting (he had surgery on his knee as a child and they wanted to do more tests and clearance things). I am so proud of him, so happy that he taking on his dream job. Yet, he doesn’t want to do the whole LDR thing as he was really hurt by one in the past, it’s 18 months minimum of training (hopefully he comes home in August 2017) and communication on base is weak. Still… even after a month of breaking up with each other we were still in contact. Then it slowly got to nothing. He would see my messages and never respond. Eventually he told me it was due to the fact that he is cutting off a lot of ties and that includes me. Cutting of ties? He’s not going to keep in contact with anyone but his best friend and his family. Everyone I talk to who has been in the defence force and through training say that is one of the worst things you can do. You need those people who support and love you as civilians to keep you grounded and keep going. The next day after he sent me that message, I started no contact. on the 19th of April I can start again.

    I don’t know what I really want of saying this. Maybe because he knows that I want to start from the beginning when he (hopefully) gets stationed close to home. He knows that I love him and will support him through everything. But what if he doesn’t even contact me back after I send him a text? What if he doesn’t want me, want us, again? I love him, I do, and I just want to be there to support him through everything. Is that wrong? Should I just give up all hope?

    1. Don’t worry too much about other people’s opinion of your feelings. What is more important is that you know your feelings is real and it is important to you.

      Here is what you can do to try and save your relationship.

      First, you need to give yourself time to heal and develop your emotional strength. This is an extremely important step. You also need to develop your acceptance and adopt the right mindset in order to maximize your chances of saving your relationship.

      Why is that so?

      Well, this is what is likely to happen when you are trying to save your relationship.

      Most probably, when you send him messages, he is going to ignore them initially.

      Without emotional strength, you are going to take that very personally and it is going to hurt you a lot. How are going to save your relationship if every single time you send him a message, you feel hurt?

      That is why you need to develop your emotional strength, acceptance and adopt the right mindset.

      Understand that if he ignores you, it has got nothing to do with you. It has got more to do with his fear and insecurity. You also need to understand that saving a relationship is not going to happen overnight. It can probably take at least a few months or maybe even more than a year.

      Be patient and keep sending him interesting messages from time to time. However, do so without any expectation of a reply. Eventually, if you are persistent enough, he may start responding to you.

      With that said, you shouldn’t put your life on hold simply because of him.

      Keep on leading a meaningful and interesting life for the sake of yourself. That will make you a more attractive and interesting person and indirectly, it can help to increase your chances of getting him back.

      Of course, there is no guarantee that you will succeed. If he still ignores you after you tried for several months, then maybe it is time for you to reevaluate whether it is still worth it to try.

  5. Hi there, my name is Jony.

    Me and my ex-girl friend breakup before three month ago. We were living together for five month. We love each other and after i got a chance to study abroad and left her. we had a conversation after I left her over there. trying to contact her and making her fell good and comfortable. But later, she told me that she can’t follow a long distance relationship. Instead of suffering, she need to focus on own her things. But suddenly, my education here is not good at all that she mentioned before not going and look some where else better than this school where i am studying now. i explained her everything that I will be back home soon and that I still love her and have the same feeling for her. I want her back in my life. I begged her after 20 days since we breakup and even again after month through email, viber. I asked her to accept my apology that if i made her angry before when we discuss. and send a message with a positive thought and wish and updating her that I am doing good. She has seen my message but never replied back. Please help me out to have my ex-girl friend back.

    Thank you,
    Jony

  6. I am writing this as I am beginning to loose hope of my current situation. All I can do now I tell my story and in hopes that it would be of use to any one out there.

    I first saw her 5 years ago on a trip I went on for the youth conference at our church. She was the most beautiful girl in the whole conference. I didn’t stand a chance then. Shen never really noticed me. In the following years i got to see her a couple of times on similar trips and I became friends with her and her best friend. In January this year I was in her country and I got to hang out with her best friend alot in hopes that I might get to hang out with her also. I finally did and I asked her out. To my surprise she also had a secret crush on me but didn’t want to act on it because her BEST FRIEND also HAD A CRUSH ON ME! She said yes and so we started dating and we were so passionate for each other.. Finally it came time to tell her best friend and it tore their friendship apart and I felt responsible. She was really sad and I tried my best to be there for her. I flew back to my country the next week and there started our LDR.

    Fast forward 5months later and two trip back and forth to see her. My needy and insecure behaviour caused us to argue alot which let to her dumping me. I begged and pleaded and even cried at first but it only pushed her further away. Finally I told her if she changed her mind to give me a call. Going on third week of NC. Haven’t heard from her don’t know if I ever will. Every day is a struggle through a sea of sadness loneliness and depression. Do I still have a chance? I do not fucking know. But this is the wosrt feeling ever. I love her and I miss her. I don’t know what to do.

  7. Hi Sam, my 1 year long distance boyfriend broke up with me a week ago telling me he doesn’t feel the same as we initally got together and he doesnt think there is a future for us, even after I suggested that I am willing to relocate to his country. He started hot and heavy when we first met and we managed to meet once a month (3-5days) thoughout this year but I know his affection and attention towards me fades gradually and he even told me that he doesnt feels he needs me when he called it quit.

    I dont have any social media account or connections with him and on top of all these, we live 2000 miles away from each other. I havent text/call him at all since last week and dont plan to do that either. However, deep down I still wish to get back with him. Do you think there is still a chance? Please help.

  8. Hi all, I need some good constructive advice from people with preferred (similar) experiences.

    I had a wonderful LDR Relationship with girl for 2 months. I am a more emotional but serious guy, even for my age, so anyone who manages to be close to me can also hit me pretty hard.

    Because of my stupidity and lack of self esteem, anxiety, lack of self confidence I fucked it up at one point, also I didn’t invest as much time in her as I should have.
    Like for example I was always the more pessimistic type, she would start our conversation first most of the time but at one point someone of her hometown confessed to her.
    I was back then very confident of myself.
    So I literally said to give him a shot.
    (I hate myself every day I did that, it was so stupid and for no good reason)
    Well we had a argument, issues, she said she will keep us both out.
    And that hit me like a truck, because at that moment I realized what the fuck I did and how big I fucked up. For the next 3 weeks, I tried to be friends with her as she said, I tried to be nice, tried everything to remind her of us (We both agreed we had a wonderful time), but every time I asked her, she said no with a reason, a different one every time I asked her again.
    The most recent one was where she said that she misinterprets her feelings which were a call for love and attention as love for me.

    Well I partly don’t believe that since she could have told me that on her own before i screwed up and also because I came over desperate in those 3 weeks I guess I also annoyed which never helps to make someone love you.
    After that i also rejected her request to stay friends with her because that hurts me too much so she got really mad and wants me to leave her alone and all that and never talk to her again

    Well I did that, and I am planning to keep that up as that typical ‘no contact period’ which will last a month at least in this case.

    My question is: Based on this info, you peeps think she still loves me or that we can come back together or is this really the end? Also if she still feels something for me despite that I screwed up to start with and pretty much annoyed her the aftermath of 3 weeks, how am I supposed to deal with it then to get her back?

    (PS: I don’t get all those hints or signs woman tend to give, neither am I a guy who knows a lot about how to attract woman, and yes to make it clear, I do love her no matter what)

    1. Most relationships can be saved. I know there are people out there with situation worse than yours getting back together. So you can definitely give it a shot and try your best to save your relationship.

      You don’t have to over analyze every sign or hint she is giving. That is not going to help you. You don’t have to attract her as well. She is already attracted to you. Otherwise, both of you wouldn’t be together in the first place. Both of you broke up not because of the loss of attraction. It is the loss of emotional connection. So that is what you need to focus on. You can learn more by reading this.

  9. My God this is so hard..I am a 23 year veteran that has just recently ended my career and my fiancee from Singapore just told me that she is now in love and dating her co worker!
    I think being shot would feel much better! She says that him being in the same area then I was the cause. I was going to move there but I have not spoken to her in 2 weeks she broke up w me, but she tells me things like the hotels they go to and such. I really do love this girl because she is all I have (I HAVE NO FAMILY) She tells me to move on w my life because she is in love with this guy but she is paying for all of his debts including hers. I am financial set but she wants him over me. Please help!

      1. We have been together for 3 years and gotten engaged this March. She says she is dating a guy now that is with her almost everyday and gives her freedom. I am in the States while she is in Singapore, I always try to coordinate times so that we can talk and skype.

        1. Her current relationship doesn’t seem healthy to me. Assuming that she just gotten together with him, she is already paying for his debts? That seems weird. So I think there is a high chance that it might be a rebound relationship.

          Anyway, why does she feel the lack of freedom when she was with you? This is an area you may want to work on.

          You also mentioned that you don’t have a family and she is all you have. I know it is not easy when you are just by yourself. However, if you are coming from a place of needing her, that is going to feel very suffocating for her. That is not going to inspire her to want to get back together with you.

          Maybe you can check this out: How to Be Happy: Alone. You need to learn to be happy by yourself first so that you are much more likely to attract her back into your life.

  10. Hi there, i need some advice from you all here.

    I have been a good friend with this guy for 5 years and we started to be together last year for about 8 months, then the guy decided to call it off as he feel pressure when we were together as we were in LDR and we need to plan before we can meet up everytime. I agree with it and we had continue to be friend and still contact each other everyday. However, the guy requested to stop contacting each other after i had asked him whether i still have a place in his heart or not? He said that we should move on as we have dragged this relationship for too long.

    We have not contact each other for the past 2 weeks now, i am not sure what he want or we still could be friend?

  11. I met a wonderful man 4 weeks ago. He lives 2 hrs. away. We spent at least 3 days of each week together. Everything clicked. We both seemed happy together and so much in common. The days we were apart, he would call once or twice a day talking for hours. Out of the blue 3 days ago, he suggested I move closer to my sister so I would not be lonely. This blew me out of the water. He was suggesting I move 5 hrs away. I was so stunned and asked him why he would want me to do that… what about us? He said he did not know what he wanted. I was so shaken, I explained I felt I needed to leave and go home. To make matters worse when I got to my car, he hugged me and said,”Maybe we can meet soon half way and have lunch or I can come to your house” By this time I was really upset and not knowing what to think. I said, “Don’t call me until you are ready to be in a committed relationship”. I realize this was not what I should have said, but you have to understand how startled I was by this reaction. Now I have no clue what to do. Everything was so good between us. Please help.

  12. Sigh…this one is …odd.

    I’m a male, bf is also a male. He was 25, I was 32 when we got together. I am his first “real” relationship, (2 previous relationships about 3-4 months a piece).

    We were together 5 years. 2 of the last 3 were in an LDR with plans to reunite in December when he finishes grad school. I cheated once when we went LDR, confessed and he forgave. He cheated a few times in Feb when going through a really rough time, I forgave.

    He started doing a documentary on open relationships and non-monogamy for his final class and started constantly bringing up opening the relationship. I agreed, but was getting into it slowly and would’ve preferred speaking to a professional or starting with a threesome, etc.

    It became a cause of constant fighting between us. Last month, he met someone at a bar and excitedly told me about the next day as though I was his best friend. He had made a very deep connection with the guy and said the guy gave him butterflies and reminded him of when he and I met. I have experienced crushes on others before while in LTRs and tried to be patient with him on it- but we ended up breaking up that night, then laughed about it a few hours later and said we would just talk tomorrow to iron everything out.

    The next day- literally it was like a light switch going out. This was someone I was building and planning a life with who completely went cold. He asked for a few days of silence – each time, he broke it telling me he missed me- but when we’d talk, he was cold and distant and demanding. Talking about how he needed to be convinced, that he wanted an open relationship with FWBs, that he no longer wanted to do long distance. I was willing to hear him out, but said we had to talk first on rebuilding.

    I spent most of the last month flying to NYC to try and make things work, but between his schedule of classes, crazy work schedule, not having a job after grad school lined up yet, his conflicted feelings for this guy in Canada he had an emotional affair with and the 1 year memorial of moms death that wasn’t addressed- he said he simply has no interest or desire to make things work with me and feels that the only thing we can do is break up and maybe revisit it at a later date.

    The last time we spoke – he indicated he wants to get back together, that he knows deep down he feels very strongly for me, that we are a perfect match and that he was very happy with me- but there are things he wants to explore and do on his own as a result of the doc he is working on- as well as now bringing up crazy things from the past that were never brought up before (I yelled at him once 3 years ago when he made me go out to this weird event- never discussed until 2 weeks ago)

    He also recognizes he is being extremely self-centered and doesn’t want me to be dragged through it. He said either way – we can’t be together now and that any sort of contact between us just makes him angry and stressed. He is seeing the guy over Thanksgiving (with others in a camping trip) and I have decided to see an old flame during the same week.

    I am very rare to him in that I am the only person who knows him as deeply and as strongly. He has never opened up to anyone like me, and he knows it and tells me that I should view that with confidence that one day we will reunite, but that right now…we are better going separate ways.

    He indicated he’d like to talk to me in February. That his only focus right now is grad school and figuring out what his next steps are, and then he wants to think about us. He said he is fully aware he is taking a huge risk and that I might move on but has indicated that he’d really rather I don’t. We agreed to text during the holidays- but other then that, no contact.

    I am on day 10 and have honored it. The only exception being that I sent flowers to his family on the year anniversary of his mothers passing. He texted me to thank me for them.

    Any advice/thoughts?

    1. There is one area you can work on, which is knowing exactly what you want and having the courage to set a healthy boundary.

      Based on what you have written, it seems like deep inside your heart, you only want to have a monogamous relationship. You don’t want to have an open relationship.

      In a healthy relationship, knowing what you really want and having the courage to voice it out is very important. If you simply accept something you don’t want, you will not be happy and that’s why argument happens.

      If only a monogamous relationship is acceptable to you, have the courage to acknowledge it. Then find a partner who is willing to commit to you and only you.

  13. Hi

    My boyfriend broke up with me 3 days ago and I’m finding it hard to accept as I believe we were well suited for each other and saw us being together forever. We dated for 2 years. Our relationship wasn’t long distance but he quit his job because he was unhappy there which I encouraged him to do as I obviously want him to be happy in his work. He also lost his flat as the couple he lived with broke up so couldn’t afford to stay there anymore so was going to move back to Ireland (I am in Scotland). I know he’s been feeling very stressed and sad about his whole work/flat situation. He broke up with me on Sunday face to face because he feels as though he doesn’t see a future with me anymore, he wants to settle down soon and have a family etc and I don’t want those things right now but i explained that in the future I may change my mind. He also said he felt he couldn’t do a long distance relationship as his heart wasn’t 100% in the relationship a
    anymore. But he was crying and crying, and was completely devastated that he felt that way now.

    I met up with him on Tuesday to talk before he goes back to Ireland and he looked so devastated, I have never seen him cry so much which makes me feel as though he must still have feelings for me, right?

    He said that I never did anything wrong which is why breaking up was so hard, our relationship was the best relationship we had both ever had as we just connected instantly, our personalities just bonded so well and we were super close. We went through some horrific things as well but we grew stronger and closer.

    Which is why I don’t fully understand this break up? I’m obviously going to give him space for now as that’s what I feel he needs.

    Do you think we could ever get back together? Because he’s overseas now I don’t know what to do. But I’m so certain I want to spend my life with him,

    Any advice would be appreciated,

    Thank you

  14. Me and my ex were together for 1 year and 7 months (ldr) she broke up with me on December 15. It’s been like over a month and now is when she blocks me a few days after I posted pictures with the girl she hates (I regret it). She told me she blocked me because she couldn’t stand seeing my name but an hour later her bestfriend added me on snapchat. I wrote my ex a paragraph and made my cousin send it to her and she replied a day after saying she didn’t hate me at all she just wanted “a break from it all.” Do you think she still has feelings for me and cares about me??? I want her back. I started the no contact rule now that she blocked me, I’ve been staying low on every social media app, even though her friends follow me. I’m wondering if she misses me even after a month+ since the break up.

  15. Recently my boyfriend broke up with me. We had a long distance relationship, we were together for 1 year. He broke up with me a week ago, he told me that he saw no future in us, that he didn’t want to move from his country, that he didn’t know if he wanted to be with me anymore. He also told me that he still loved me and that I am perfect for him. The strangest thing is that last year he told me several times that he was going to move to my country, and that if he moved he was going to marry me, but suddenly he changed his mind and told me that we had no future together.

    The next day we broke up, he texted me “angry” because I had changed my display picture (it was a picture no longer with him), he was claiming me that he didn’t expected for me to go for 100 – 0 (not contacting him). I told him that he broke up with me and I had to move on. 6 days passed and I contacted him just to catch up and see how he was going. The conversation went fine, he sounded very interested on my life and what I had to say. We still have our relationship in Facebook and our pictures on Instagram. Also we haven’t deleted our shared folder in our phones.

    This weekend is my birthday and I’m planning to go to his country and hang out with my friends. I really want to reach out and talk to him in person. I really want to get him back.

    What should I do?

    Please help me choose the right decision to bring him back.

    1. People don’t just suddenly change their mind for no reason.

      There must be a reason.

      Why not just go visit and talk to him? Maybe you can find out something when you are in close proximity with him? Sometimes, distance can cause a lot of misunderstandings.

      You have nothing to lose anyway. The worst thing that can happen is he says no or he doesn’t want to tell you anything. Just try not to take it too personally.

  16. Am in the same situation. My bf left me saying I was so complicated I don’t know how….but I did love him he just told me to move on with my life its so hard because everything just reminds me of him. Help…

  17. For mine, we broke up mutually since then we noticed that our interests were dying at the time due to college for both of us since we met on a online game. It lasted for 4 years and we ended it very well and remained friends afterward. He kept wishing me happy birthday and I tried when skype would work right and also got pretty touchy feely which I either ignored or went along with it.

    A few days ago, I contacted him saying that I was thinking of him and he replied that he was too but wanted to remain friends since he couldn’t think of us together thinking that I wanted to play with him all the time like it was years ago since he was busy with work and school. I quickly made sure that I meant talking, not playing games all the time, and what not to see how it would go between us and he agreed which…went straight to flirting immediately lol. I didn’t mind at all and went with it and surprised him since I used to be so shy back then and hardly flirted back. We already did dorky things too, making a close friend of ours find hilarious.

    From your POV, does this sound like we have a chance to get back together? I don’t mind waiting it out and I’m sure to take it slow this time since I’ve gotten older but so far he’s been quick to reply when he can and not make me wait for hours or days. Just want another view that doesn’t know myself or him.

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