Let’s face it — breaking up has got to be one of the worst things ever in life. And as pathetic as it may be, practically everyone who has ever broken up with their boyfriend or girlfriend has gone through that phase of “Oh my God I miss you so much, please come back to me, I will do anything, ANYTHING just so we can be together again.”
I’ve had my share of breakups. And while the recovery time varies on the length of each relationship and the depth of my feelings for my ex, one thing is constant: It bites, every single time.
The first time it happened, I was an emotional wreck. I was the one who did the dumping — but then again, he kind of gave me the incentive to do it, because he was totally acting out of character and giving me all sorts of reasons to dump him.
Still, and my point is, regardless if you were the dumper or the dumpee, you would still be yearning to have your ex come back — unless you’ve already moved on and found somebody else.
So of course, the first step, if you really, TRULY want to get your ex back, is to make him or her miss you so that they will start chasing you. And that’s what I’m going to talk about, since I’ve gone through several breakups, as well as collected stories and anecdotes from both my guy and girl friends.
The “No Contact” Rule
The most important thing is: Do NOT initiate contact with your ex whatsoever. Not even if you are drunk, or are really, really, REALLY at your wit’s end. (For utterly drastic measures, you can even allow a trusted friend to take your phone as hostage so you won’t be able to text, email, or call your ex should the urge arises.) I’ve learned the hard way that in this case, the old adage “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” is true.
Simply put, you should follow the no contact rule if you want to make your ex miss you. It’s simple human dynamics at work: The more elusive you are, the more your ex will wonder about you. If you let yourself become too available, then the chances of your ex missing you will definitely decrease.
With the “no contact” rule, it means absolutely ZERO communication — no messaging your ex via Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other social networking sites; no emails; no text messages; no calls; and definitely no accidentally-on-purpose dropping by the places he or she frequents in the chances of bumping into him or her.
When you follow the “no contact” rule, you should act as if you have disappeared from his or her life, that you’ve practically dropped off the face of earth. Let your ex wonder what’s going on with your life, and let him or her start missing you!
Avoid The Temptation To Grovel — And Stalk Your Ex
Leaving reminders of you in the places where your ex will most likely go to is a definite no-no if you’re intending to make him or her miss you. In fact, the opposite is bound to happen.
Your ex will only get turned off and think that you’ve turned into a psychotic, sniveling mess who can’t live without him or her. And while that can be an ego booster to some, that move will backfire on you.
The logic is quite simple. The more available you make yourself to your ex, the less “alluring” and “appealing” you appear to him or her. This is especially true for ladies: When you and your guy first got together, he was probably doing all the chasing. So consider this as another round of playing hard-to-get, but on a bigger scale, because you should be literally waaaaay ahead of him in that rocky road of romance.
Learn To Fly Solo
Another trick to making your ex miss you — and also because this one comes with a really, really good side benefit — is to live your life as a single person again. Don’t become a hermit post-breakup; go out with friends, become a rock star at work and put your best effort in the office, pick up a new hobby — essentially, fill all your waking hours with activities so you won’t have time to think about your ex, much less miss him or her.
This kind of coping mechanism works effectively for those who are reeling from the devastating effects of a breakup, such as Nash, a musician. “I channeled my energies to my music when I broke up with my girl,” he relates. “Yes, of course I missed her and I wanted desperately to pick up the phone and call and text her, and yeah, maybe working on new songs about heartbreak and all that crap made me miss her, but at least I was able to channel my frustration and misery in a, dare I say it, productive way.”
In other words, redirect your feelings of longing in a positive light. Doing so will not only make your ex miss you (especially when he or she sees your fantastic Facebook status updates showing that you’re living an awesome life sans him or her), but it will also NOT give you the time and space to dwell on your not-so-pleasant feelings, as well as bring you to the realization that moving on with your life can be liberating.
Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone
In my experience, one thing that always works (at least for me) when dealing with a breakup — and consequently making my ex miss me — is traveling. Sometimes I travel alone; sometimes I have a buddy or two with me.
Whatever the circumstances, I always make sure to visit places that I’ve never been to with him, so that there’s no room for me to miss him. And since we all live in a small world, I know that sooner or later, the news of my sojourns will reach him.
There was even one time when my friend, who took my advice, told me that it worked for her. “For the longest time, I was so scared to travel without him, since we were together for four years and I was so used to going everywhere with him,” she shares with me.
“But he found out through friends about my travel plans, since I never told him. Pretty soon, he started sniffing around again, saying that he missed me — that he missed traveling with me, and that led to the other things that he missed about me.”
So take a chance, and dare to get out of your comfort zone. You’ll feel so free and independent, and your ex will be missing you before you know it.
This is an article written by one of my writers.
I don’t necessary agree with everything she has written here but I still decided to post this article because first, I do like to have different point of views on my site and second, I think she has shared some great tips in this article.
You should definitely learn to fly solo and get out of your comfort zone but I think you should do so more for yourself rather than to make your ex miss you.
After all, trying to make your ex miss you is a little bit manipulative in my opinion.
Let’s not forget. You have totally no control over your ex. You can do everything listed in this article and your ex may still not miss you.
So I will suggest implementing the tips in this article to better yourself. If your ex does start to miss you, treat it as a bonus but don’t get too hung out on it if they don’t.