You’ve been thinking about it for a long time now, you know you really want your ex boyfriend back. You know you made a mistake breaking up with him and you really do care about him. You know now that your feelings for him are genuine and you really do not want to live without him for the rest of your life.
Before You Continue Reading, Please Take Note:
This article is relevant for both genders. I am simply using one pronoun to keep things simple. So if you are a guy who wants your ex girlfriend back after a year, the tips below are equally applicable to you.
Do You Have A Good Reason To Pursue Your Ex Back?
Let’s take a moment and consider what your real reasons are for wanting him back. Do you miss the companionship? If so, you may simply need to get out and meet someone new. If however you find that you are missing his laugh and his smile, those romantic nights and his friendship, you may have a good reason to want him back. It is important to remember that you should never take back an abusive boyfriend. If he was ever abusive, get some counseling and move on with your life without him.
The First Contact – Keep It Simple
For obvious reason, the no contact rule is not applicable for this situation. Instead, your problem is how to go about contacting him.
Will you send him a text and simply ask him how he is doing? Will you send him an email and ask how he is doing? Or, will you approach him in person and just say “hi, how are you?” and see what happens from there? Be cautious about sending texts or emails. First, you do not want to sound desperate and second, you want to make sure it seems casual and not like you are fishing for information. Keep it simple and casual for the first initial contact.
If, and only if, the first initial contact goes well plan on a second contact. If the first contact was via email or text respond accordingly to what his reply was. If it was in person let him know you would love to get together some afternoon and catch up on things. Keep it short, simple and friendly. You are a former friend and you simply want to catch up with a friend. Do not push yourself onto him at this stage in the new relationship.
Don’t Be Surprised If Your Ex Has Already Moved On
It is important to remember that he may have moved on with his life. If this is the case he will have to ‘want’ you back. In order for this to happen you cannot be needy or pushy. You must simply act like this is a normal everyday conversation with a good friend.
Reminisce about a good memory the two of you share and laugh about things. Share what you have been doing of late with life and work but leave out any romantic liaisons you may have had. He does not need to hear that.
It may not be possible to get him back, but in real life there are a few friendships that last the test of time and you are exploring this to see if this is perhaps one of those friendships.
As long as neither of you are in a committed relationship and the cause for the breakup wasn’t something serious, you may have a great shot at rekindling the romance here. For this reason, if you ever have a break up it can be important to keep things civil. You won’t be able to get back with anyone if the break up wound up very nasty.
Have You Grown As A Person Since The Break Up?
Always take the time to consider why you want to get back with your ex. Have both of you grown up enough to handle a real relationship now? Are you ready for a commitment when you weren’t ready for one before? By being open and honest with yourself you can truthfully answer these questions and move forward. If you are lying to yourself the relationship is not going to go any better this time than it did the last time.
In some cases once you meet up you will recognize that you are really after all is said and done, just friends and there is no chemistry there at all. If this is the case enjoy a short visit with your old friend and move on. Don’t look back.
How To Proceed If Your Ex Seems Receptive
If however the conversation goes well you can talk about getting together again real soon and make tentative plans. There are no hard and fast rules You could set up a plan to text, email or send him a message on Facebook every so often.
If you agree to call one another try to find a time that you will not be disturbing him or interrupting him at work. You want the conversation to go smoothly. If it is too nerve wracking to call stick with a text, email or Facebook for now.
Give him time to reply. Do not keep sending texts in hopes he will answer. Send one text and one text only. If you send more than that you look desperate which is something that you want to avoid. If a few weeks go by and you still have not heard from him you can send one more text message or try an email this time. Word things differently and wait again. You can do this one more time a week or so later but after 3 messages if you have not heard from him you need to accept the fact that things are over for the two of you.
While you may be desperate to get him back, he may not feel the same way so it is vital that you simply initiate contact and wait patiently. If you sound desperate, you may well lose out.
If he is interested he may also be embarrassed about whatever happened between the two of you in the past. Let bygones be bygones and allow him time to become brave enough to respond to you.
Evaluating a past relationship and understanding what went wrong is a huge step in the process of getting your ex back. You must be blatantly honest with yourself and know your motives well. Be easy on yourself, you know what you want and in time you will find it and if your ex is not the right person, listen to your gut instinct and move on gracefully. If your ex is the right one, embrace it and vow to not make those mistakes again.