Why Is My Ex Ignoring Me Completely? Here’s Why!

4 Reasons Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend Is Ignoring You

Establishing first contact post-breakup can be heartbreaking. After taking some time apart from your ex, there’s really no telling what you’ll be coming back to without confronting the drama head-on.

I’m sure you have already thought of all the worst-case scenarios in your head, but that doesn’t make it any easier on you. This is why, instead of giving into your assumptions, it would be best to approach this with a level head. Silence may be an answer, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the only answer in this situation.

If you are trying to get back with an ex but they’re not responding the way you want or simply not responding at all, then here are just a few reasons why.


Reason 1: Your Ex Still Has Feelings For You

Let’s start off with the positive. Maybe the reason your ex is ignoring you is that he or she still loves you. I know it seems a bit far-fetched, especially if you broke off in bad terms, but at this point, you’ll never know.

For someone whose heart has been broken badly, taking time for themselves is important in order to be able to process the pain. If your ex still loves you, it can be extremely difficult to talk to you again because they can’t fully grasp of their emotions yet. Everyone needs time to heal on their own so try not to make this about yourself. Your ex needs to figure this out on his or her own.

The best way to respond to this silence is to do absolutely nothing. Like I said earlier, everyone needs time to get over pain. Everyone has their own way of processing painful events. You should respect that and let them come to you when they’re ready. If your ex still loves you, they’ll find an opportunity to reconnect again once they’re ready.

Reason 2: Your Ex Is Playing Games

Another possible reason that the ex is choosing to keep silent is that he or she is playing mind games with you or using the nc rule on you. Now, this is only true if your relationship was filled with manipulation from the beginning or if your ex has the tendency toward mind games.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of dating guides out there that advocate this kind of behavior. Some even go as far as using the adage “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” just to prove a point.

On the surface, it may seem to work, but playing mind games will only strain any hope for reconciliation. By playing the silent card deliberately, your ex is showing off his or her true colors. It only reflects his or her need to manipulate in order to feel some sense of control.

So how do you respond to these games? Again, by doing nothing. When you choose not to respond, you’re giving out a clear message that you’re not in any mood to play games with your emotions. You’re choosing to put yourself first and you clearly won’t stand being manipulated. Your ex will contact you any way once he or she gets tired of the games.

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Reason 3: Your Ex Needs More Time

Breakups can easily lead to a painful cycle where the one dumped will run after the one who dumped in an effort to shake off the pain. If you were the unfortunate one who was dumped and you find yourself reaching out to your ex any opportunity you get, you might not be giving your ex time to process the breakup.

Try to assess if you’ve been suffocating your ex. Are you constantly messaging them to still feel that sense of belonging to someone? Are you always where they are in the hopes that you will finally get to talk about your relationship?

You may feel entitled to an answer, but if your ex is not ready to do any talking, you’ll only feel like you’ve hit a brick wall. I know that the feeling of being ignored hurts, but try to look at it from your ex’s perspective.

Do you really want to be seen as that clingy, desperate person? I don’t think so. Remember, if you feel like you’ve gone too far trying to reconnect, then you probably have. So what do you do in this situation?

The first thing is to ease up on the communication. I know it’s hard, but you need to learn to let go of your first instinct. You can keep the communication lines open still — just don’t be the one initiating contact all the time. After a while, when your ex is ready, he or she will contact you to talk.


Reason 4: Your Ex Has Moved On

For some people, breaking up means final. They will never even consider getting back together with an ex. If your ex happens to be this type of person, then there is really nothing much you can do about it.

Or maybe the breakup was just too nasty. Therefore, they have made the decision to close this chapter of their life. And if you are really unlucky, you may have encountered an  ex who simply disappeared on you.

If your ex has literally moved on, don’t expect to hear any word from him or her. Of course, you may want to try contacting them a few times before giving up.

Although this form of silence may be the most painful of them all, it’s the best sign that you should move on as well. Now that you know that there’s nothing to hold on to anymore, you can move on to writing on a brand-new slate. Don’t feel disheartened or unloved. Think of this as a new opportunity to get out there and meet someone new. Hold on to the promise and excitement of new loves.

The best thing you can do is to respect your ex’s decision to move on. Stop playing on the what-ifs and make that conscious decision to be happy for him or her. Make the effort to let go of on any grudges because if you do, you’ll only end up suffering.


The Bottom Line

You can’t force anyone to stop ignoring you. You just can’t control people that way. The only thing that you can control is your response to different situations. So whatever situation you find yourself in, make sure that you put the focus on yourself. Trust me, it will free you from constantly thinking of others.

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68 thoughts on “Why Is My Ex Ignoring Me Completely? Here’s Why!

  1. For the past month, me and my girlfriend broke up. After several times that we have broken up and kept getting back together. We were going to have a baby but she miscarried. However, we broke up because she thinks that I will break her heart or hurt her emotionally. At times she would ignore me completely but at times she would kiss me, hold my hand and hug me. After a while she decided to not have anything to do with me anymore but we talked about it and now we are friends again. The problem is that we are not that emotional connected. She still loves me and has feelings for me. What can I do to emotionally connect with her again and make her feel safe with me? Should I take things slow? How should I approach her when I’m with her?

  2. I don’t know what to do. My ex and I have been together for almost a year. Before me he came out of a nasty relationship where the girl cheated and manipulated him. They were together for 5 years and broke up a couple months before we got together. He would always say that I am an amazing girl but the timing was always off. In March he decided that I didn’t deserve to not have all of him (because he was still resentful from his relationship) so we broke up.

    Two weeks later we got back together because he realized that he cared for me too much to let me go. Everything was going smoothly and we were happy. But once he started school he was afraid that the time commitment (he works and goes to school full time) would be too much for me to handle. He also sometimes had doubts and fears that I would just leave (he knew they were irrational but that’s what his ex did).

    Once he started school communication wasn’t as good as it used to be. He told me now that I deserve someone that can give me their all 100% of the time and that I am settling by being with him. He likes me, cares for me, that I am the “perfect girl”, his family adores me (his mom told me), likes being with me but it isn’t fair to me. He said he didn’t know if he can fall in love after that last relationship. He said ending this with me is the hardest thing hes ever done. As soon as I posted myself looking happy on snapchat he took me off but we are still fb friends. It has been almost three weeks and I have tried contacting him but he is ignoring me. We had a good connection and I still want him to be a part of my life. I can see us being together down the line when we have both matured and healed from past wounds. What should I do?

    1. You mentioned that you posted about you looking happy on snapchat and he removed you. I hope this is not a tactic you are using to get him back.

      I know there are a lot of “relationship experts” out there teaching these tactics but you really have to be careful about them. Playing mind games on your ex will not help you get him back and usually it makes the situation worse.

      After all, when you use these tactics, it doesn’t really get to the root of the problem. Why do those “relationship experts” teach you to post happy photos on social media sites? Their rationale is that when your ex can see that you are happy without him, he will realize how much he is missing out and want you back again.

      Unfortunately, it is just theory and in the real world, it doesn’t work that way.

      What you didn’t realize is that when you post yourself being happy, you are actually rubbing salt in his wounds. He is already feeling very miserable and the last thing he needs to see is that you are so happy without him. That is being insensitive to his feelings. That’s probably why he took you off snapchat.

      I am not saying that you can’t be happy without him. However, you don’t have to announce to the whole world that you are happy by posting it on social media sites.

      By the way, I hope you don’t see it as I am trying to criticize you. Not at all. I am just trying to point out your mistake to you so that you will not make the same mistake again.

      Anyway, you said he has been ignoring you for 3 weeks.

      There are 2 possible reasons.

      First, he is not ready to talk to you right now. So you just need to respect his need for space. Maybe try contacting again in about a few weeks time.

      Second, it is probably the way you reach out to him. You are probably giving him too much pressure in your message. I suggest that you avoid talking about the relationship for the time being.

      So the next time you reach out to him, just send him something light and easy to reply to. For example, you can send him message like, “Hey, your idol is coming to town. Not sure you are aware of it. Just want to let you know.”

      Really, the purpose of the first message is just to get him to talk to you. Don’t send any message about your feelings or about the breakup. He will probably ignore you if you do so because it is very hard to respond to these messages.

      1. This is very good. I have a girlfriend who sent me a bunch of these dating guides as she swore it was working with her younger boyfriend who also turns out to be a coke user and dealer.

        She spent an entire year learning how to detach, not make the guy responsible for her happiness, and to give him his freedom, and finally one day after so much of him coming and going and not treating her with respect and as a priority at times, she told him she wanted to feel more important. And suddenly he went cold on her and told her had too much going on, etc. etc. and has barely called her and she’s had to use the dating guides again to take a further step back.

        For a while I thought she was onto something good with the dating guides, and I tried the same things and it worked a little, but not really. I was just constantly fighting my feelings of being let down and forgotten about and not thought much about, let alone valued.

        Finally, I couldn’t take it either and wasn’t about to let the guy I was seeing continue to act in a callous and detached manner with me as he seemed to become more detached in certain ways over time. I got rid of him and If feel better not having anyone in my life who treats me like I am no big deal.

        As my mother told me, the problem with those dating guides is that if they keep telling you these men value their freedom and to let them have it then one should know that if someone values their freedom that much, then really they are ambivalent or don’t want to be in a real relationship with you!

        This is what I thought at first, but I was sure these dating guides have it right. Now I see my friend has been using them to play just enough of a game to make this guy slightly worried, but when she had a truly authentic moment and moved in with her real needs and feelings, he backed way up.

        I hope she gets rid of this guy. She is a doctor and dating a coke dealer and addict? Women need to get smarter and I realized the guy I was seeing wasn’t treating me right and it wasn’t feeling fulfilling. The only dating guide I’ve liked that I have the audio book for is, “The Tao of Dating”. I have not checked out the material on this site.

  3. Im wondering if anyone has some advice. Well my recent ex and I started dating after I had just got out of a long painful breakup. I know, bad idea. I had a lot of insecurities and we kept fighting over things because of it. One day he just avoided me like didnt respond to my texts or calls. So I text him saying if you want to break up just be honest and tell me because I cared about him and thought he felt the same. He did reach out later that day saying he got scared because he liked me alot and we were fighting a bit too much so he didnt what to do. He apologized but said he wanted to try to work it out. I said i thought we should break up (obviously i was hurt over being avoided and thought that was shitty to do instead of just talking to me). After me saying we should break up i have not heard from him. I text him saying we should be friends later down the road and he has not responded. Its only been a few days after the breakup when i sent this. Whats the deal?! He could atleast tell me no. Could someone tell me their thoughts?

  4. Hi. My ex boyfriend and I were together for over 2 years. We even grew up as children. We broke up last Memorial Day weekend over an argument making plans for the weekend. A few days passed and I heard nothing from him. I sent him texts. Still nothing. I wrote and email a few weeks later. Again heard nothing. Three months later I reached out again only to receive texts with pictures attached. The pictures were of a typed letter, some print outs and screen shots of texts from an unknown number. All contents were about bad behavior/being a narcissist toward others. He claims he hasn’t reached out to me because he feels that I have sent all of this nonsense to him . I have tried to explain that I do not play childish games and what ever I had to say to him I’d say it directly to him in which I have in the past. He is recently separated from his wife so he began to go on about how I will never understand what it is like to be apart from my children as he is no longer living with his daughter. He said one day we can be friends but he is still hurt over the letters and text messages that he thinks I have sent. It has been almost five months and I am still devastated over this. I miss and love him so dearly that I can’t focus like a normal human being. Please help.

  5. I don’t know what to do I gave my x bf a note and it said hey just wanted to let you know that I’m super sorry for not talking to you when we were dating I was just nervous and happy hope u forgive me also I don’t know why u ignore me I Miss hanging out with u hope we can be just friends from your old friend next day he didn’t say anything just ignore me again I fell like he hates me what do I do plz respond he still ignoring me

  6. when a person goes into a relationship with insecurities, that person is not being fair to him/herself or to their partner. having insecurities only brings chaos into any relationship, the reason for the arguments and the fights was because of your insecurities. you said that was shitty on his part for ignoring your and maybe it was but you stuck to your emotions of being upset even after he had explain why he had not responded, on top of that you added to the fire by telling him ” we can be friends” really?? the reason he is not responding are several. confusion of who you really are ( he doesn’t know the real you with all the insecurities) you didn’t take him into consideration on why he was feeling the way he was and then you belittle him by telling him you can be friends. he will most likely not contact you again because he may have already met someone else.

  7. I need some advice because this is difficult. So my ex and i broke up three weeks ago. weve been together for 2 and half years, but the last two months was abit hard. i knew he was giving up on me and i was making all the effort. anyways he was just over eveything inlcuding his life style and job and said he wanted a “new life a new start”. he moved 4 hours away to stay by his parents, it was heart breaking but i had to respect his decision so i went to visit him after 3 weeks and stayed by his family for two week holiday. new years eve we had a fight and he said its over. new years night, we kissed and he dissapeared for a few hours went to see a friend. later on the week i found out by his ex that he told her we over and he kissed her. i confronted him and he said he needed a reason to get rid of me. on the last night before i went home and the lat hour before i left i begged him not to let me go i love him so much and i poured my heart out to him but he said i will be okay we can still contact eachother but he wants to be alone… so i havent messaged him in three weeks. i needed some time to heal. i sent him a fb asking him “how he is doing? and i miss him”. he read it and didnt reply….

    im hurt because im not sure why he cant just reply back how he is doing… i still love him but i know we wont get back together i just want us to speak now and then so we dont become strangers, what advice can you give me?

    1. It seems like he is facing some sort of mid life crisis or quarter life crisis, being sick of his life and job and in turn, that affects his relationship with you. How old is he?

      The reason why he didn’t reply your message is probably because the kind of message you sent is very hard to reply to. It is too laden with emotions and it makes him feel bad. Anyway, to help you understand what is really happening, you can watch this video.

      Don’t worry about becoming stranger. You have been together for two and a half years after all. Also, don’t insist on having to speak with him now. Otherwise, you may end up pushing him away. Watch the video so that you will understand why.

  8. I’ve been with my ex for 2 years met him on POF so chattted for about 10 years finally met and he was everything I ever dreamed of of having in a man . Loooooong story short we’ve been going through a really tough time where I basically did indeed ruin this mans life , his career, house,reputation everything ! Yes because of me but he still stayed and tried to work things out but he didn’t held a grudge on me and things just weren’t great but we still loved each other and held on and now because of my own fault legally he is not allowed to talk to me but we’ve been through this before and we still always managed to talk this time I have not heard from him in over two weeks and I miss him somuch and has no idea how bad I feel and I’m taking full responsibility for which can land me legally in trouble but will do whatever for my man . He’s 45 I’m 31. Yes I’ve emailed he has me blocked on fb but always has for certain reasons because of my insurities . What’s going on ? He lost his family because I was still in his life so basically they hate me but now I notice him and his family are back as a family which makes me happy but sad at the same time because I’m not this monster that he makes me out to be I am a good person .. please help ! We always stayed in touched and stayed together “living together” even when we legally weren’t suppos to but this time is a bit different because I guess he realized he just literally lost everything cause we went to Florida he was suppose to find work but couldn’t and spent every lay penny we both had so spending everyday together to now nothing I know he can be very manipulative with me and his family by lying etc idk I’m so lost without him

  9. Hello, I had a relationship of 8 months , it started great as every relationship ,but at the end we couldn’t handle the fact that he started to have distance because of his full time work and I started to have anxiety and doubts of our relation , we tried to comprehend each other, but at the end we only got into discussion, and misunderstanding each other, so we agreed to break up, we knew that we needed to resolve our problems so we could be in a relationship, he told me that right now he can`t be in one because he is focused in his work and projects , and he can´t give the time, and also that I have to be mentally stronger and more self-esteem so I can be in a relationship. Two weeks later since the breakup I did many mistakes with him, of texting him, trying to make him realized that we can do it better, begging, and telling him that I really consider everything I did wrong and that I changed, until he ignores me totally, only the last text he told me that he can`t be in a relation right now, he can`t love me the way I wanted, that I didn’t do anything wrong, he needs his space to resolve difficult things in his life , the first days he told me he had the possibility to see each other again but today he can`t, the way he had answered me is now is with one word, days later, like he is tired of me . He said that he still loved me but I know that is not the way of romantic because he practiced meditation for 4 years, so he knows how to let go, so I really don`t know what to do, when I had made mistakes (gnatting ,begging ) and now ignores me. I got confused when he told me the first to weeks that he doesn’t want to leave me out of his life, that he will no erase me from social network, that we will not cut the communication .

  10. Good day. We’ve been together for a year and 2 months. The reason is I kept a secret to her and I lied that I was still playing computer games (not that serious lies about third party or something else). She discovered it thru chat. But we still keep things okay. In fact, we celebrated our 1st anniversary after she knew my mistake. I apologized to her. She forgave me. Then, weeks after, she was too clingy that I can’t even move on my own. I know that she feels that way and I always tell her that she’s my only love. But things gets worse. Until one day, she wanted to broke up. I declined at first, because I knew that we can still work this out. But she keeps saying words that gets my nerve. So I let her go. I avoided her for a month after our break up for me to fix myself. Coz i knew she wouldn’t go that way if I was being true to her. Then, after that I tried contacting her again. Keeping in touch and trying to be with her again. Feeling sorry for what I’ve done. Be she refuses and ignores me. She said that she don’t want to be with me again. I hurt her so much. Still contacting her thru any means, but no reply. She even get annoyed and blocked me. Then, last 2 weeks, I discovered that she’s entertaining other guy, can’t tell yet that they’re dating but yeah, probably. It hurts me so much to know that I said a lot of hurtful words to her. Now, she don’t want to have any contact with me. I’m still trying to text/chat her, but no response. I apologized for what I’ve done. That I’m a total mess. Everything. But no response. I want her back. I really love her so much. Tell me what to do. Help me please.

  11. I broke things off with my partner and I in January this year as things were becoming difficult between him and I! My partner wasn’t out when we started dating, which made things difficult and tough on our relationship. My ex partner is Italian and his family are also catholic- his Mum wasn’t at all accepting of him being gay. It almost felt like a threeway relationship. His Mum would ring him constantly to see where he was, and sometimes he would refer to me as a friend he would say “I’m at a friends house” which sometimes made me feel a bit strange.

    So, in March 2017 I contacted him to see how he was going etc and he asked me if I still wanted to go to the Adele concert with him and I asked him “as long you want me to, I’ll come with you.” He replied “of course I want you to come, I don’t take back Christmas presents.” Love him! The concert night come around and it was a beautiful night shared together, it felt as though we had some sparks back again.

    Post concert we remained in contact with each other and send messages back and forth etc. one Monday I sent him a message to see if he wanted to meet up? He was keen, so we caught up after he’d finished work and had a cider each and spoke about life etc. After that we parted ways and remained in contact.

    One afternoon I was at his work place and I was coming down the escalator at a hospital where he works, I’d just finished having meeting and I seen this face and it was my ex, I thought “oh look who it is” unfortunately I was on the phone to my boss; so I wasn’t able to stop and chat. Two hours or so later, I get a message from him saying:

    “What were you doing at my place?”

    I replied “Nah, that was my twin.”

    He replied “well your twin is cuter than you.”

    I replied “thanks I’ll take that as a back handed compliment.”

    He replied “I still like your face.”

    So, in this instance I was wondering to myself what’s going on?

    We caught up again for coffee at a beachside location and it was just a nice day being in his company and just catching. He was interacting with all the kids there, which just melted my heart. We gave each other a hug goodbye and that was that. We remained in contact…

    We continued to message each other, and our messaging started to become quite open with each other he said he misses our kisses, he misses me and other stuff. I was starting to wonder if he was flirting with me and maybe wanted to start things again? I knew at this point I didn’t want to be friends.

    I was very torn at the thought of being friends. Because I knew in my mind I still loved him and cared about him. I invited him over on June 7 2017 to discuss things with him and it was a complete failure. It was awkward, I couldn’t communicate what I wanted to say and I end up saying “I feel we have unfinished business and I care about you.” He replied “I can’t give you what you want.” That response hurt, so I told him to go. (I can still see him looking into my eyes with so much)

    So, three months on and he is still giving me silent treatment. I have been sending him messages and he’s been ignoring them. However, I have been sending him digital messages on iMessage and he he has been keeping all of them and the messages are very sentimental. He has kept all the my audio messages as well, which are also sentimental. I’m confused!!

    On Tuesday night I was on Facebook and I seen this photo in my feed and its of my ex with his arms around a guy hold this guys fingers, they looked intimate but I could be jumping to conclusions too.

    Please be mindful I was his first love.

    What do I do?

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