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Can Sleeping With My Ex or Being Friends With Benefits Help Me Get My Ex Back?

Author: Brenda Jane

Glum nights. Frustration. Anxiety.

These are all things I have seen happen with people who are looking to get their ex back. In fact, I have been in this position as well, and it isn’t a pleasant experience.

Most people have little to work with when it comes to such experiences and therefore make atrocious mistakes which are not only cringe worthy but ineffective.

The question you are going to have is will sleeping with my ex help in getting him/her back? What about building a “friends with benefits” relationship and trying to work your way back in that manner?

This read should have all of your answers.


Sex Becomes About Physical Desire

The one thing I have seen is the definition of sex when you are sleeping with an ex. I tried doing this myself, and it was a disastrous experience. I will shed light on personal experiences along the way with all of the points being made, so do keep an eye out for them.

It all starts with sex being a physical desire.

If your ex is coming back to you for sex, they are catering to their physical needs. They are lusting for the physical act and not the emotional bond of a real girlfriend/boyfriend. I was in a situation where I would sleep with my ex-boyfriend, and he was merely looking to fulfill his desires for the day.

My ex would ignore me after getting what he wanted. When he was looking for a booty call again, he would whisper to me all kinds of sweet nothings telling me how he misses me like crazy.

There was nothing to it for him, and he didn’t bother connecting with me. He felt I was getting the same out of it as he was. It is hard to fault their reasoning, but you should be aware of what you are getting into when you push down this path. It is always going to end badly.

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You Have No Standing

What does this mean? Well, the idea is that you might be sleeping with them, but where are you in the relationship? What do you tell people? You are not going to have much to say at all. You won’t even know yourself.

For example, when I was sleeping with my ex, I was just going through the motions hoping it would ignite something. It never did, and that is when I realized I had no standing. I wasn’t his girlfriend. I wasn’t anything. If someone were to ask me what relationships I had, I couldn’t say much at all. That’s a pretty embarrassing situation to be in.

This is something most people have to deal with in this situation. You have to be aware it can happen.


You End Up Interlinking Emotions With Sex

This is the worst combination when you are dealing with an ex. You don’t want to get lost in the short-term lust and ignore what you are going for. If the goal is to get your ex back, sex is not going to work. It is only going to deepen the issue to a point where it will become a real hassle.

When I started to take a step back and just focus on myself, I felt there was more of a connection. It wasn’t because I had begun to repress my ex, but the fact I was able to differentiate between lust and emotion. This was when I was able to rebuild my relationship, and we were not as confused any longer.

You have to take a step back in this regard. If you are continually sleeping with your ex, they are going to remain in that clouded state, and this is not okay for anyone. The chances of your relationship getting back on track will become slim to none at that point.


Protect Yourself

Sometimes, I feel people don’t protect themselves as much as they should. You are in a vulnerable state when it comes to getting your ex back. There is a hidden desire to rekindle what was there before. However, this doesn’t mean you should let yourself open and become prone to pain.

You have to protect yourself as much as you can.

For example, I used to sleep with my ex as a means to get him back (huge mistake!), but it was not the sex that was an issue. It was the communication that we had before and after. It was always as if we were back together, but it was short-lived. You could tell he was just using it as a means to acquire sex. You never want to let it get to that point.

If you do let it get to that point, you are now going to be second-guessing all of their motives. You won’t know if their goal is to get you into bed or if they are genuinely caring for you. This is the difference between getting your ex back the right way and using sex as a means to an end.

If you are going to sleep with them, you have to realize it is not always going to work, and you are just fulfilling sexual desires. You want to make sure you are clear about this before diving in. If you want to find emotional attachment through their presence, you have to keep sex off the table. If they are not willing to come back at least, sex is not going to be a driving factor in their eyes. They will be genuine about what they want, and that is going to make it easier to figure out where they are as a person.

In the end, I wholeheartedly can say sleeping with your ex or being in a “friends with benefits” setup is the worst thing for your chances. Don’t do it unless you are clear there is nothing in the relationship, and you could care less if they move on. If you do care, you have to push sex away.

Look to connect with them at a deeper level to see where you are and then move forward.

This is a must, and you will notice how things are going to become easier for you as they did for me.

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How To Get Your Ex Back After A Year Or Longer

You’ve been thinking about it for a long time now, you know you really want your ex boyfriend back. You know you made a mistake breaking up with him and you really do care about him. You know now that your feelings for him are genuine and you really do not want to live without him for the rest of your life.


Before You Continue Reading, Please Take Note:

This article is relevant for both genders. I am simply using one pronoun to keep things simple. So if you are a guy who wants your ex girlfriend back after a year, the tips below are equally applicable to you.


Do You Have A Good Reason To Pursue Your Ex Back?

Let’s take a moment and consider what your real reasons are for wanting him back. Do you miss the companionship? If so, you may simply need to get out and meet someone new. If however you find that you are missing his laugh and his smile, those romantic nights and his friendship, you may have a good reason to want him back. It is important to remember that you should never take back an abusive boyfriend. If he was ever abusive, get some counseling and move on with your life without him.


The First Contact – Keep It Simple

For obvious reason, the no contact rule is not applicable for this situation.  Instead, your problem is how to go about contacting him.

Will you send him a text and simply ask him how he is doing? Will you send him an email and ask how he is doing? Or, will you approach him in person and just say “hi, how are you?” and see what happens from there? Be cautious about sending texts or emails. First, you do not want to sound desperate and second, you want to make sure it seems casual and not like you are fishing for information. Keep it simple and casual for the first initial contact.

If, and only if, the first initial contact goes well plan on a second contact. If the first contact was via email or text respond accordingly to what his reply was. If it was in person let him know you would love to get together some afternoon and catch up on things. Keep it short, simple and friendly. You are a former friend and you simply want to catch up with a friend. Do not push yourself onto him at this stage in the new relationship.

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Don’t Be Surprised If Your Ex Has Already Moved On

It is important to remember that he may have moved on with his life. If this is the case he will have to ‘want’ you back. In order for this to happen you cannot be needy or pushy. You must simply act like this is a normal everyday conversation with a good friend.

Reminisce about a good memory the two of you share and laugh about things. Share what you have been doing of late with life and work but leave out any romantic liaisons you may have had. He does not need to hear that.

It may not be possible to get him back, but in real life there are a few friendships that last the test of time and you are exploring this to see if this is perhaps one of those friendships.

As long as neither of you are in a committed relationship and the cause for the breakup wasn’t something serious, you may have a great shot at rekindling the romance here. For this reason, if you ever have a break up it can be important to keep things civil. You won’t be able to get back with anyone if the break up wound up very nasty.


Have You Grown As A Person Since The Break Up?

Always take the time to consider why you want to get back with your ex. Have both of you grown up enough to handle a real relationship now? Are you ready for a commitment when you weren’t ready for one before? By being open and honest with yourself you can truthfully answer these questions and move forward. If you are lying to yourself the relationship is not going to go any better this time than it did the last time.

In some cases once you meet up you will recognize that you are really after all is said and done, just friends and there is no chemistry there at all. If this is the case enjoy a short visit with your old friend and move on. Don’t look back.


How To Proceed If Your Ex Seems Receptive

If however the conversation goes well you can talk about getting together again real soon and make tentative plans. There are no hard and fast rules You could set up a plan to text, email or send him a message on Facebook every so often.

If you agree to call one another try to find a time that you will not be disturbing him or interrupting him at work. You want the conversation to go smoothly. If it is too nerve wracking to call stick with a text, email or Facebook for now.

Give him time to reply. Do not keep sending texts in hopes he will answer. Send one text and one text only. If you send more than that you look desperate which is something that you want to avoid. If a few weeks go by and you still have not heard from him you can send one more text message or try an email this time. Word things differently and wait again. You can do this one more time a week or so later but after 3 messages if you have not heard from him you need to accept the fact that things are over for the two of you.

While you may be desperate to get him back, he may not feel the same way so it is vital that you simply initiate contact and wait patiently. If you sound desperate, you may well lose out.

If he is interested he may also be embarrassed about whatever happened between the two of you in the past. Let bygones be bygones and allow him time to become brave enough to respond to you.

Evaluating a past relationship and understanding what went wrong is a huge step in the process of getting your ex back. You must be blatantly honest with yourself and know your motives well. Be easy on yourself, you know what you want and in time you will find it and if your ex is not the right person, listen to your gut instinct and move on gracefully. If your ex is the right one, embrace it and vow to not make those mistakes again.

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Why Is My Ex Ignoring Me Completely? Here’s Why!

4 Reasons Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend Is Ignoring You

Establishing first contact post-breakup can be heartbreaking. After taking some time apart from your ex, there’s really no telling what you’ll be coming back to without confronting the drama head-on.

I’m sure you have already thought of all the worst-case scenarios in your head, but that doesn’t make it any easier on you. This is why, instead of giving into your assumptions, it would be best to approach this with a level head. Silence may be an answer, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the only answer in this situation.

If you are trying to get back with an ex but they’re not responding the way you want or simply not responding at all, then here are just a few reasons why.


Reason 1: Your Ex Still Has Feelings For You

Let’s start off with the positive. Maybe the reason your ex is ignoring you is that he or she still loves you. I know it seems a bit far-fetched, especially if you broke off in bad terms, but at this point, you’ll never know.

For someone whose heart has been broken badly, taking time for themselves is important in order to be able to process the pain. If your ex still loves you, it can be extremely difficult to talk to you again because they can’t fully grasp of their emotions yet. Everyone needs time to heal on their own so try not to make this about yourself. Your ex needs to figure this out on his or her own.

The best way to respond to this silence is to do absolutely nothing. Like I said earlier, everyone needs time to get over pain. Everyone has their own way of processing painful events. You should respect that and let them come to you when they’re ready. If your ex still loves you, they’ll find an opportunity to reconnect again once they’re ready.

Reason 2: Your Ex Is Playing Games

Another possible reason that the ex is choosing to keep silent is that he or she is playing mind games with you or using the nc rule on you. Now, this is only true if your relationship was filled with manipulation from the beginning or if your ex has the tendency toward mind games.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of dating guides out there that advocate this kind of behavior. Some even go as far as using the adage “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” just to prove a point.

On the surface, it may seem to work, but playing mind games will only strain any hope for reconciliation. By playing the silent card deliberately, your ex is showing off his or her true colors. It only reflects his or her need to manipulate in order to feel some sense of control.

So how do you respond to these games? Again, by doing nothing. When you choose not to respond, you’re giving out a clear message that you’re not in any mood to play games with your emotions. You’re choosing to put yourself first and you clearly won’t stand being manipulated. Your ex will contact you any way once he or she gets tired of the games.

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Reason 3: Your Ex Needs More Time

Breakups can easily lead to a painful cycle where the one dumped will run after the one who dumped in an effort to shake off the pain. If you were the unfortunate one who was dumped and you find yourself reaching out to your ex any opportunity you get, you might not be giving your ex time to process the breakup.

Try to assess if you’ve been suffocating your ex. Are you constantly messaging them to still feel that sense of belonging to someone? Are you always where they are in the hopes that you will finally get to talk about your relationship?

You may feel entitled to an answer, but if your ex is not ready to do any talking, you’ll only feel like you’ve hit a brick wall. I know that the feeling of being ignored hurts, but try to look at it from your ex’s perspective.

Do you really want to be seen as that clingy, desperate person? I don’t think so. Remember, if you feel like you’ve gone too far trying to reconnect, then you probably have. So what do you do in this situation?

The first thing is to ease up on the communication. I know it’s hard, but you need to learn to let go of your first instinct. You can keep the communication lines open still — just don’t be the one initiating contact all the time. After a while, when your ex is ready, he or she will contact you to talk.


Reason 4: Your Ex Has Moved On

For some people, breaking up means final. They will never even consider getting back together with an ex. If your ex happens to be this type of person, then there is really nothing much you can do about it.

Or maybe the breakup was just too nasty. Therefore, they have made the decision to close this chapter of their life. And if you are really unlucky, you may have encountered an  ex who simply disappeared on you.

If your ex has literally moved on, don’t expect to hear any word from him or her. Of course, you may want to try contacting them a few times before giving up.

Although this form of silence may be the most painful of them all, it’s the best sign that you should move on as well. Now that you know that there’s nothing to hold on to anymore, you can move on to writing on a brand-new slate. Don’t feel disheartened or unloved. Think of this as a new opportunity to get out there and meet someone new. Hold on to the promise and excitement of new loves.

The best thing you can do is to respect your ex’s decision to move on. Stop playing on the what-ifs and make that conscious decision to be happy for him or her. Make the effort to let go of on any grudges because if you do, you’ll only end up suffering.


The Bottom Line

You can’t force anyone to stop ignoring you. You just can’t control people that way. The only thing that you can control is your response to different situations. So whatever situation you find yourself in, make sure that you put the focus on yourself. Trust me, it will free you from constantly thinking of others.

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