Author: Brenda Jane
Glum nights. Frustration. Anxiety.
These are all things I have seen happen with people who are looking to get their ex back. In fact, I have been in this position as well, and it isn’t a pleasant experience.
Most people have little to work with when it comes to such experiences and therefore make atrocious mistakes which are not only cringe worthy but ineffective.
The question you are going to have is will sleeping with my ex help in getting him/her back? What about building a “friends with benefits” relationship and trying to work your way back in that manner?
This read should have all of your answers.
Sex Becomes About Physical Desire
The one thing I have seen is the definition of sex when you are sleeping with an ex. I tried doing this myself, and it was a disastrous experience. I will shed light on personal experiences along the way with all of the points being made, so do keep an eye out for them.
It all starts with sex being a physical desire.
If your ex is coming back to you for sex, they are catering to their physical needs. They are lusting for the physical act and not the emotional bond of a real girlfriend/boyfriend. I was in a situation where I would sleep with my ex-boyfriend, and he was merely looking to fulfill his desires for the day.
There was nothing to it for him, and he didn’t bother connecting with me. He felt I was getting the same out of it as he was. It is hard to fault their reasoning, but you should be aware of what you are getting into when you push down this path. It is always going to end badly.
You Have No Standing
What does this mean? Well, the idea is that you might be sleeping with them, but where are you in the relationship? What do you tell people? You are not going to have much to say at all. You won’t even know yourself.
For example, when I was sleeping with my ex, I was just going through the motions hoping it would ignite something. It never did, and that is when I realized I had no standing. I wasn’t his girlfriend. I wasn’t anything. If someone were to ask me what relationships I had, I couldn’t say much at all. That’s a pretty embarrassing situation to be in.
This is something most people have to deal with in this situation. You have to be aware it can happen.
You End Up Interlinking Emotions With Sex
This is the worst combination when you are dealing with an ex. You don’t want to get lost in the short-term lust and ignore what you are going for. If the goal is to get your ex back, sex is not going to work. It is only going to deepen the issue to a point where it will become a real hassle.
When I started to take a step back and just focus on myself, I felt there was more of a connection. It wasn’t because I had begun to repress my ex, but the fact I was able to differentiate between lust and emotion. This was when I was able to rebuild my relationship, and we were not as confused any longer.
You have to take a step back in this regard. If you are continually sleeping with your ex, they are going to remain in that clouded state, and this is not okay for anyone. The chances of your relationship getting back on track will become slim to none at that point.
Sometimes, I feel people don’t protect themselves as much as they should. You are in a vulnerable state when it comes to getting your ex back. There is a hidden desire to rekindle what was there before. However, this doesn’t mean you should let yourself open and become prone to pain.
You have to protect yourself as much as you can.
For example, I used to sleep with my ex as a means to get him back (huge mistake!), but it was not the sex that was an issue. It was the communication that we had before and after. It was always as if we were back together, but it was short-lived. You could tell he was just using it as a means to acquire sex. You never want to let it get to that point.
If you do let it get to that point, you are now going to be second-guessing all of their motives. You won’t know if their goal is to get you into bed or if they are genuinely caring for you. This is the difference between getting your ex back the right way and using sex as a means to an end.
If you are going to sleep with them, you have to realize it is not always going to work, and you are just fulfilling sexual desires. You want to make sure you are clear about this before diving in. If you want to find emotional attachment through their presence, you have to keep sex off the table. If they are not willing to come back at least, sex is not going to be a driving factor in their eyes. They will be genuine about what they want, and that is going to make it easier to figure out where they are as a person.
In the end, I wholeheartedly can say sleeping with your ex or being in a “friends with benefits” setup is the worst thing for your chances. Don’t do it unless you are clear there is nothing in the relationship, and you could care less if they move on. If you do care, you have to push sex away.
Look to connect with them at a deeper level to see where you are and then move forward.
This is a must, and you will notice how things are going to become easier for you as they did for me.