Can Sleeping With My Ex or Being Friends With Benefits Help Me Get My Ex Back?

Author: Brenda Jane

Glum nights. Frustration. Anxiety.

These are all things I have seen happen with people who are looking to get their ex back. In fact, I have been in this position as well, and it isn’t a pleasant experience.

Most people have little to work with when it comes to such experiences and therefore make atrocious mistakes which are not only cringe worthy but ineffective.

The question you are going to have is will sleeping with my ex help in getting him/her back? What about building a “friends with benefits” relationship and trying to work your way back in that manner?

This read should have all of your answers.


Sex Becomes About Physical Desire

The one thing I have seen is the definition of sex when you are sleeping with an ex. I tried doing this myself, and it was a disastrous experience. I will shed light on personal experiences along the way with all of the points being made, so do keep an eye out for them.

It all starts with sex being a physical desire.

If your ex is coming back to you for sex, they are catering to their physical needs. They are lusting for the physical act and not the emotional bond of a real girlfriend/boyfriend. I was in a situation where I would sleep with my ex-boyfriend, and he was merely looking to fulfill his desires for the day.

My ex would ignore me after getting what he wanted. When he was looking for a booty call again, he would whisper to me all kinds of sweet nothings telling me how he misses me like crazy.

There was nothing to it for him, and he didn’t bother connecting with me. He felt I was getting the same out of it as he was. It is hard to fault their reasoning, but you should be aware of what you are getting into when you push down this path. It is always going to end badly.

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You Have No Standing

What does this mean? Well, the idea is that you might be sleeping with them, but where are you in the relationship? What do you tell people? You are not going to have much to say at all. You won’t even know yourself.

For example, when I was sleeping with my ex, I was just going through the motions hoping it would ignite something. It never did, and that is when I realized I had no standing. I wasn’t his girlfriend. I wasn’t anything. If someone were to ask me what relationships I had, I couldn’t say much at all. That’s a pretty embarrassing situation to be in.

This is something most people have to deal with in this situation. You have to be aware it can happen.


You End Up Interlinking Emotions With Sex

This is the worst combination when you are dealing with an ex. You don’t want to get lost in the short-term lust and ignore what you are going for. If the goal is to get your ex back, sex is not going to work. It is only going to deepen the issue to a point where it will become a real hassle.

When I started to take a step back and just focus on myself, I felt there was more of a connection. It wasn’t because I had begun to repress my ex, but the fact I was able to differentiate between lust and emotion. This was when I was able to rebuild my relationship, and we were not as confused any longer.

You have to take a step back in this regard. If you are continually sleeping with your ex, they are going to remain in that clouded state, and this is not okay for anyone. The chances of your relationship getting back on track will become slim to none at that point.


Protect Yourself

Sometimes, I feel people don’t protect themselves as much as they should. You are in a vulnerable state when it comes to getting your ex back. There is a hidden desire to rekindle what was there before. However, this doesn’t mean you should let yourself open and become prone to pain.

You have to protect yourself as much as you can.

For example, I used to sleep with my ex as a means to get him back (huge mistake!), but it was not the sex that was an issue. It was the communication that we had before and after. It was always as if we were back together, but it was short-lived. You could tell he was just using it as a means to acquire sex. You never want to let it get to that point.

If you do let it get to that point, you are now going to be second-guessing all of their motives. You won’t know if their goal is to get you into bed or if they are genuinely caring for you. This is the difference between getting your ex back the right way and using sex as a means to an end.

If you are going to sleep with them, you have to realize it is not always going to work, and you are just fulfilling sexual desires. You want to make sure you are clear about this before diving in. If you want to find emotional attachment through their presence, you have to keep sex off the table. If they are not willing to come back at least, sex is not going to be a driving factor in their eyes. They will be genuine about what they want, and that is going to make it easier to figure out where they are as a person.

In the end, I wholeheartedly can say sleeping with your ex or being in a “friends with benefits” setup is the worst thing for your chances. Don’t do it unless you are clear there is nothing in the relationship, and you could care less if they move on. If you do care, you have to push sex away.

Look to connect with them at a deeper level to see where you are and then move forward.

This is a must, and you will notice how things are going to become easier for you as they did for me.

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3 thoughts on “Can Sleeping With My Ex or Being Friends With Benefits Help Me Get My Ex Back?

  1. I was in a two year relationship with a man.. We had issues on my part of jealousy and not feeling loved… A lot was due to him not being open with family and friends about us…he had emotional attachment and guilt about leaving his wife… She has since died during our breakup.. I moved away but want my ex back… What should I do?..

  2. Hello Sam,

    My boyfriend broke up with me on Sunday after a night out with friends. I was very drunk and not sure why I brought up that I kissed someone 4 months ago while we were broken up.

    The break up was ugly he insulted me and left me at my car. Any way I fought and tried to save us that day and he was not budging. I decided to accept the break up on Monday and left it at that.

    The next day he drunk dialed at 4 am. Luckily I was asleep and busy with family until Tuesday night. Then I text him acknowledging his missed calls and let him know I was busy with family and that it was best for time to pass before talking again. He text back and said if that is what I wanted and that he wish this hadn’t happened. I text him reassuring him it was for the best for both us and that I was not gone and here still. I even added that if he moves on this is a risk we had to take. No response.

    A day went by and I started to get anxious about losing him or, him screwing someone to get over me. I got insight and advice. I decided to call him and I left a message stating that the message was a bit short and that I didn’t care about what our friends and family thought that I love him. I told him he is the last person in this world that I would hurt. I also said there is not an hour that goes by that I don’t think of him and miss him. I told him to please really take this time to see if we can work through all of this no more breaking up to make up and that to not grieve or, cry and to take this time to heal and really see if there is chance for us or, move on.

    He responded few hours later and said he was okay with waiting a while to cool down and talk. Now Im trying to figure out how long to wait. Our year anniversary is this 23rd and I get nervous that someone will come into his life. I really want to be with him I have never loved like this and I want to fix our problems and start a new life together.

    Thank you,


  3. My fiance and I had constant arguments along with so many good memories that I cherish. However, I never built trust with him because he would often get caught doing things behind my back or disrespecting me by liking another women pictures on social media on his “spare” time. We argued about him liking his ex fiance’s pictures while he was dating me, it was rude and disrespectful. I constantly nagged and questioned him-if he still loved his ex fiance who is married and left him 4 years ago. She used his ring to fly her out of state. He told me he chased her to get his ring back, I dont think that was the truth. I want him to chase me like he had chased her.

    I told him how I felt and yes, he had made few changes but still he kept me distant from his family and friends soon after our constant arguing. I still wanted us to work but eventually thought it was best for me to let him go.

    I haven’t been eating or sleeping. I feel miserable and want him back. I blew up his email, fb, text and called him numerous times to have a closure but I haven’t gotten nothing. I want to try NC theory but I know that he likes the chasing, he has told me he did last time we broke up. I feel like if I stop chasing and move on, I will loose him. I am deeply in love with a man that doesn’t always treat me right. A man that doesn’t always open up and hides his feelings and a man that is more negative than positive when he is angry. I still love him. I just don’t know how to approach him and get him back.

    I am a smart woman but have been unemployed for almost a year because of my last surgeries and because I relocated to be with him. Where I live now the career I have pursued isnt advanced and its hard to fin a job. I can relocate and find a job again but that means being hour or more from him.
    What are my chances of us making things work?

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