A Possible Sign That Your Ex-Boyfriend Wants You Back

Author: Nicole Gallagher

If you have been dating for awhile, you already know that some guys are sort of immature and think that the grass will always be greener on the other side of the street. Did your boyfriend leave you to play the field or even date another woman. Have you got the feeling from your friends or even his actions that he may secretly want you back.

You can’t read his mind, but you may be able to read certain signs that your boyfriend has grown up and learned that you are the woman for him. Lots of very happy couples have had periods when they split up and then got back together. Sometimes, this gave them an even stronger relationship.

However, you probably want to be sure before you send him a friendly text message. So you can try to look out for these signs to determine whether your ex-boyfriend really wants you back.


Signs That Your Ex-Boyfriend Wants You To Come Back

Here’s some news for you. Men really do have feelings even though they may try to hide them. The problem is that immature guys may only be sensitive to the way that they feel. Also, women may be in better touch with their emotions than a lot of guys, so it can be tough to figure out if he is feeling the same things that you are by his actions. Since women seem better trained or equipped to deal with emotions, it may be true that a guy will let you know that he wants you back in some odd ways.


Is Your Ex-Boyfriend Angry At You?

Did you break up because your ex got mad at you for something that you did or said? Just because he is angry, that is no reason to believe that you cannot repair your relationship. In fact, a breakup over an argument might be the easiest kind to repair because at least there is a problem that is easy to define.

If you could see yourself meeting him halfway over the tiff, maybe you could repair your relationship. You might call or text to apologize that your actions bothered your boyfriend. Even if you’re not really sorry about doing those actions, you might be sorry about making him mad. You can express that while still being honest to yourself.

Of course, there is always the possibility that your ex will ignore you if he is still overwhelmed with anger.  If that is the case, don’t worry too much. Just give him some time to calm down.

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Are You Angry At Your Ex?

You know, men really don’t like it when their girlfriends get upset with them. It sort of reminds them of getting scolded by their moms when they were little kids. Of course, a mature man will be able to try to communicate with you and settle things. But a lot of guys react to anger from women by running away from it and not settling it.

In some cases, they may even act out a bit by flirting with other women. Of course, this is bound to make you even angrier, but some guys just refuse to understand this even if it is obvious. In any case, you are going to have to be the adult here if you really want to repair your relationship.

Nobody says you have to try to get your ex back if he did something pretty awful. But if you think you could get over whatever he did if he would just apologize and realize his mistake, you could be able to meet him halfway.

You might have to be the one to attempt communication and express the thought that you would like to talk about your issue. Maybe you can do it online, but it would be better if you could go out for coffee or something relaxing. At least, you would be face to face, and we do suffer a lot of communication because words get taken out of context online.


Should You Play Games To Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back?

I had this neighbor who was a real playboy. We never dated, but he was actually really nice to me and that might have been because we didn’t actually date. Anyway, I was having boyfriend problems, and he gave me many advice, some good, some not so good.

He told me to cut off all contact with my ex until I have got my emotions under control. Yes, that is what you call the no contact rule. Well, that’s a pretty good advice at that time.

After all, that was twenty years ago. I never even considered using the internet to look for information on how to save my relationship.

Anyway, this guy was a real player. I surely heard lots of noises going on at night through the thin walls of my apartment. But he actually did have feelings and was a pleasant companion once we decided that we should stay friends and never try to date each other.

My playboy neighbor also told me the following:

If your boyfriend and you split up, don’t look too eager at the first sign he wants to get together. Of course, you have to show some inclination that it is not the worst idea that you ever heard of, but you don’t need to go too far.

You can be friendly and open, but you should probably wait for him to make the first contact. If he asks you out, you might even decide to be busy on the first date that he mentions. Let him know that you’ve got plenty of other friends you can have fun with, and if he wants to be with you, he had better be prepared to behave!

Those were pretty bad advice.

At that time, I didn’t know any better and followed his suggestions to the tee. But today, I know a lot more about relationships.

You shouldn’t pretend to be uninterested. You shouldn’t play the waiting game.

Those are just mind games and won’t help you make any progress in your relationship.


Do You Really Want Your Ex-Boyfriend Back?

One friend says that she has a fifty percent rule. Is she happier than she is unhappy with a current boyfriend. This might not be the right rule for you because many people would rather be happy MOST of the time. The thing to realize is that no relationship will be perfect, but are you happier with your boyfriend than you might just be hanging out with friends for awhile?

If you believe he mostly makes you happy, you may want to put in some effort to get him back. If not, you might want to cool off by yourself or with friends until you recover. It is not easy to recover from a relationship, but you also do not want to go through pain again and again because your boyfriend continues to behave in a way that you would rather not accept!

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29 thoughts on “A Possible Sign That Your Ex-Boyfriend Wants You Back

  1. I barely initiated the NC rule. Freaking out of course. Me and my boyfriend were together for a year and a half and during that time all our friends would say we were inseparable and still in that honey moon stage. We did many first date things travelled and it was amazing. We both knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. My parents were not to accepting of the relationship at first but it worked out and for a moment everything was perfect. I got drunk and kissed someone but told him, came forth and took responsibility for it. He broke up with me. He said he loved me but couldn’t be with me. We still kept in touch for about 2 and half months we went on “friend” dates and we talked to each other every day. At first I was the one who initiated all the contact who begged and pleaded and the I stopped doing that and he made all the contact. Recently he told me things were getting worse that time wasn’t helping. He still cares for me and everything but when he here’s I love you from me he doesn’t like that. He says he enjoys seeing me and my company and he feels that love for me but that it all reminds him of why we broke up. Do you think we have any chance of getting back together? Do you think the NC will work for us?

    1. Yes, there is a chance. The reason why you didn’t manage to get your ex back is because you were doing things in the wrong order.

      I will use an analogy here.

      Imagine when your ex first met you, he asked you to marry him, will you say yes? Probably not. As much as you are attracted to him, you are not going to marry him because both of you have not reached that level of emotional connection yet.

      It is the same when it comes to getting your ex back. You should never ask him to get back together with you initially just like you don’t ask someone to marry you on the first few dates. Instead, you should focus on building up the emotional connection. Avoid talking about the relationship for the time being. This is because talking about the relationship now is only going to remind him of the breakup.

      Once the emotional connection is strong enough, he will be able to get over the fact that you got drunk and kissed someone. The main purpose of NC is not to get your ex back. It is for both you and your ex to heal from the breakup. It is for both of you to calm down and reflect on the relationship.

      So you shouldn’t be worried about implementing NC. Some time apart is not necessary a bad thing. Right now, both of you are still too emotional. It is very difficult for two very emotional people to get back together in a healthy way. That is why you should consider implementing NC. When both of you are more level headed, it will be easier for you to connect with him and start getting him back gradually.

      What I have given you so far is sort of a big picture plan of getting your ex back.

      Unfortunately, there is no way I can explain everything to you in a single comment. If you want to learn more about the correct things to do in order to get your ex back, I recommend that you sign up for our newsletter.

  2. Me and my ex had a very great relationship and I know we have something and I feel like we’re really meant to be but there are barriers between us like negative barriers. You know what I mean right? I knew that I had seeds of doubt and I had less confidence in myself and I want to change that and I really wished that I can have another chance for my ex to get back with me. I am really mad at myself right now. I was really clingy, needy, bossy, and a bit too jealous on his old gf. I hate myself as much as my ex hates me now. Yes my ex deserves a better woman and If he’s ok with his other ex gf and If they do get back together,,,, It might make me feel very upset but deep inside me I love him. I lied to him saying that I hate him but I want him to know that I’m not that person he thinks. I am a very honest person and I take chances and I understand that my ex bf is now trying to look for his primal needs. I REALLY need help before it’s too late. I don’t want him to fall for the wrong person. 😢

    1. Then you need to start working on yourself.

      You already know the root cause of the breakup, which is your lack of confidence. This causes you to be clingy, needy, bossy and jealous.

      So you need to ask yourself why you are not confident. Is it because of a bad childhood? Is it because you don’t have other things going on in your life, that is why you are expecting this relationship (your ex) to fulfill all your needs? Is it because you don’t have other friends? Is it because of the lack of success in other areas of your life, that is why you expect your relationship to compensate for it?

      These are all questions you should ask yourself. Chances are you already know what to do. But of course, just knowing what to do is not enough. You need to actually take action and go do it.

      For example, if your lack of confidence is due to a bad childhood or some deep seated issues, then you may want to consider going for therapy. If it is because you don’t have a life of your own because you are staying in your comfort zone, then it is time to go out of your comfort zone. Start making new friends, start learning a new skill etc. Also consider reading some books on how to increase your self esteem and confidence. You can also consider learning how to meditate.

      There are actually a lot of things you can do. Just start with one. If you want to get your ex back, you need to work on yourself first. Otherwise, even if you manage to get your ex back, if you are still the same old person who lacks confidence, then the same patterns are going to repeat themselves and a breakup will probably happen again.

      Even if you move on to a new relationship with a new partner, the same destructive patterns will stay with you if you don’t deal with them now. So make sure you consider some of the suggestions above.

  3. My ex and I dated for 3years and 4 months and he ended up dumping me saying he doesn’t have feelings for me and that he has lost faith in relationships. Because we fought a lot during the relationship . He was a very calm person in the beginning and we had an amazing chemistry, we were so in love but my fighting nature changed him to be an angry person and eventually he got very distant and he ended up breaking up 2weeks ago. I did start the no contact immediately after breaking up but I broke it one week into our breakup asking him for another chance and he said no and I went into the no contact period again and it’s been a week now . I want to know if he will come back to me or not?

    1. No contact is not magic.

      I will give you an analogy here.

      Let say you want to challenge yourself and run across the country. Unfortunately, you have been a couch potato for many years. So obviously you won’t have that fitness to complete the run.

      So you decided to wait for one week. One week later, you are still not fit enough. So you decided to wait again.

      Will you eventually be fit enough to complete the run? I have no idea. Because I don’t know whether you will actually put in the time and effort to train yourself up.

      If you are doing absolutely nothing during the wait, then you are not going to become fit. It is just common sense.

      Same thing with no contact. Why do you expect no contact to magically help you get your ex back? It is not. It depends on what you do during the no contact period. Are you actively making use of this no contact to work on yourself? Are you using this no contact period to develop new relationship skills? Are you using this no contact period to become a better person?

      That’s the key. He will not get back together with you unless he knows the relationship will be different and better this time round.

      You mentioned about your fighting nature. Well, that’s either a bad habit or maybe that is an indication that you have poor communication skills. Habit can be changed. Communication skills can be improved. There are so many books written on how to change your habits and how to improve your communication skills.

      So don’t ask me whether he will come back to you or not. I can’t answer the question because I don’t know what you are going to do. You are the only one who can influence the outcome. The question is, are you willing to put in the necessary effort, even if it is going to be very uncomfortable for you? Only you can answer the question.

  4. My boyfriend broke up with me after 6 months of relationship. We are on our marriage plan and preparation. We had a good relationship for 6 months. Then He told me he is not yet ready to get married and he want to focus first to the future of his child. I asked sorry for all things I thought I did wrong. He said no problem with me. I am now on the second week of no contact rule. Is there any possibility for us to be reunited and to be married? What I will I do? I really love him and I want to be his wife and to be the mother of his child. For additional information, I would like also to mention that way back 11 years ago, we’ve met and he was interested to me but when he knew that time he heard that I had boyfriend. He did not see me again. After many years, we met again and he told me he was trying to find me. During that time of 11 years, he had his relationship with x girl who left him also because of being unfaithful. They had one child. after his separation with that girl 2 years ago, he found me again. and that’s the time we started our 6 months relationship now and time to plan get married but he now back out and broke up with me.

  5. my ex n i dated 3 years ago and we keep on getting back together over and over again. It was alright when he was the one he was always wrong (cheating) one time i decided to do the same and he found out. He then dumped me and always tells our friends he thinks about me alot. Im always thinking about him too but whenever i try talking to him his always cold and too frank. i love him. what should i do?

  6. Here is a question for you. Me 27 and my ex 36. Broke up last thursday. She said she didn’t know if she felt the same about me, that she didn’t know if we had what it took for long term. We have dated almost 5 months, started living together almost immediately. I handled it very well. Told her that I wished she would reconsider, but that I knew she had to be happy and want to be with me for it to work out. I packed my things, asked her once more if she would reconsider. She told me she was thinking about things, but that she needed some space. I left, and returned an hour later because I forgot my phone. I found her almost in tears. She said that me handling it as maturely as I did was making it really hard. We talked further and she asked me to spend the night. (It was late and she didn’t want me to have to drive home). I did stay, but didn’t make any physical advance on her. The next morning she was in tears again when I left. I asked if I could come talk a little more that evening (friday). And she said okay. We talked mostly about each others day, I only brought up the relationship to ask 2 questions 1. Was she crying that morning because she was sad or because she felt bad for me. She said a little of both. 2. I asked if I could still take her out for the plans we had made the next night for her birthday. She said no because she was afraid she would over analyze everything. The next morning I left her flowers, a bottle of wine, her favorite Starbucks breakfast, and a birthday card that said “I know this isn’t much of a gift, but I saw last night your flowers (I always kept fresh flowers on her dinning room table) looked a little dry, and that I the wine was to replace the bottle we drank the night before. I also wrote a paragraph about how i knew that i had been working way to much and because of that, I was exhausted when we spent time together and hadn’t been having as in depth of conversations as we had to begin with. I told her I knew I needed to find a better work life balance, but that I understood her decision and wanted her to be happy, no matter what that meant to our relationship.

    She blew my phone up saying how sweet it was and how it made her birthday so much better. She said I was doing a good job of making her reconsider. I responded a few times lighthearted (nothing about the relationship) and then told her to go enjoy her birthday.

    We spoke the next morning (sunday) and we talked about things a little more. She said she was still thinking about it, but needed a few weeks. She just wasn’t sure if her feelings would come back. We left the phone call on a good note. (Through all of this I maintained strong composure and didn’t pry to much. I always kept some level of light heartedness in the conversations. Making sure she would laugh and smile once in awhile).

    I decided I would give her the space she requested. She called me the next night. I didn’t answer, and she didn’t leave a message. The next day while she was at work, I went and got my motorcycle and grill from her place. I didn’t tell her that I was going(to respect her space) my things were on the front porch where we kept them so I didn’t go into her personal space to get them.

    I haven’t heard from her since.

    So.. if you are still reading. My questions are…

    1. Did I handle this correctly?

    2. What should I have done different?

    3. Does it seem worth my while to hope, or should I move on?

    1. You handled everything perfectly, so I don’t think there was anything you should have done differently.

      As for whether you should move on, I don’t think so. Your ex probably need more time to process her thoughts and emotions. Just continue doing the right things and it is only a matter of time before she will want you back again.

  7. My ex boyfriend broke up with me a second time 7 weeks ago. I tried appologizing, sending 6 text in total over a few weeks. Then the other day, I messaged him on Facebook. He said I’m not in a position to have a relationship with you. I asked if he met someone. He said yes he has. I said I love you, I thought you loved me too. He said I had second thoughts now please leave me alone. I’m determined to work on myself and show him I’ve changed. Do you think I still have a chance even or is it too late?

    1. Yes, the chance is still there. You will never know the outcome if you don’t try your best.

      However, you need to understand that you cannot push someone into a relationship with you. Asking him whether he still loves you is something you should avoid. This will give him a lot of pressure and make him want to pull away from you. So after you have worked on yourself and have really changed, make sure you reach out to him in a way that does not give him pressure. You need to meet him where he is at emotionally.

  8. Hi,

    I am a college student. This guy and i started dating in the last year of high school. Then we broke up once, he with me. Then we got back together two days after. I literally fell in love with him along the way. My family isn’t rich. So he would usually buy me lunch etc. I was always sad at home because I got picked on and he was working this summer so I barely saw him. That got me sad and angry because I couldn’t see him and my mom didn’t want me go out.

    One day, my dog died. I was so sad I called him in the afternoon. He made me feel a lot better but later in the night, I got really sad because of the lack of love. Well, he used to fall asleep on me whilst we texted. Then I said just breakup with me. He said that won’t solve anything. As I was about to say no I don’t mean it, he typed ok and the Saturday, I went to see him. I said why every time I ask you to go somewhere, you can never make it. But I had planned the date already. So I cried a lot. He kissed me and hugged me. He cried too. He was like just wait. I was like you promise we will get back because I felt the love in his kisses. So I waited days and he was a complete asshole to me. He lost his feelings for me a long time ago and he never told me. His friends told him I was abusing his kind heart. Like what? I loved him a lot. Now he told this girl the sexual thing i told him. I am so embarrassed idk what to do. I kinda cursed him the other day because I told him to accept my love and he just took me for crap saying I love you baby. When I ask him if it is true, he said no, I was joking.

  9. Hi.

    I’m 23 and was dating my ex boyfriend for 3 years. I must add that this is my first relationship, and my first kiss/intimate relationship etc.
    He broke up with me 3 years ago saying that he didn’t think it was going work. We’ve had so much fun together but the last 6 months weren’t the best. He was emotionally detached and I was hurt/unhappy.
    But after the break up, I thought it was what was best for the both of us. But as I think back now, we had a really great relationship we just hit a bad bump and he gave up. I was thinking of breaking up with him too, but I thought we could work it out and I wanted to try.
    What do I do? I’m a complete mess. I tried no contact but I find myself messaging him, begging him. I hate this. I hate that I am like this. Right now, I have promised myself that I will not contact him, however it is killing me inside. He was the love of my life, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. He made me laugh, and smile all of the time. Shouldn’t that be what is important?

    1. Love alone is not enough to sustain a relationship. Most probably, somewhere along the way, both of you started getting comfortable in the relationship and started taking each other for granted. Eventually, things started getting into a routine and you lost that spark. That lead to a loss of emotional connection. This happens all the time in relationships.

      Therefore, the key to saving your relationship is to get that emotional connection back. However, that is going to take time, hence you need to be patient. Give yourself time to heal first. If you are still in a mess emotionally, it is impossible for you to form an emotional connection with him. He will also need the break to think things through and figure out what he really wants.

  10. I had a fantastic relationship with my ex for 10 months. We had good communication, and I was always open and vulnerable with my feelings. He always struggled with emotions and never told me he loved me, though I never pushed that. We work in two different states, but we shared apartments in both places, and we saw one another every week, despite the distance.

    Two months ago, we attended a wedding together where he was in the wedding, and I didn’t know any of the friends who were there (they were from college and live elsewhere). I’m a bit introverted and didn’t completely engage with his friends but just felt like that was a factor of meeting people at the wedding.

    We had a great time together there (wedding was 4 days long), but both of us had emotional times–i got some tragic news while there and ended up grieving a loss, and he walked in on that process, pretty much terrified by my crying and grieving. He’s not in touch with his emotions, but I ended up seeing him crying a number of times during that weekend. So neither of us was able to be there for the other, at a super emotional wedding, too.

    Right after the wedding, he dumped me, and was more angry than I have ever seen him. He stated I ruined his time at the wedding because of the experience he walked in on and because I didn’t fully engage with his friends. I didn’t fight it and calmly listened to his anger, validating out and understanding that this would have freaked him out.

    That night, he told me I needed to get my stuff out, and I agreed. The next morning, I told him I would need to get some more boxes to take my stuff (basically half an apartment), and he told me I could keep it there. Odd 180, but I went with it.

    We texted a little for the next two weeks after that, and we sat down at a coffee shop where I overwhelmed him with my gratitude for the relationship we had (for 30 minutes… Which now I see was a bad idea). He told me, “thanks, but I can’t get over the events that happened.” And then he complimented me and made an inside joke and hugged me… And left. He texted me a couple days after that, and then I decided to not contact him for 30 days. I didn’t hear from him during that time, and reached out via text after the 30 days. No response.

    I have really done a lot to work on me, and the more I’ve been working on me, the more I realize how much I want him in my life. I admit I flooded him with emotions early on in the breakup but then left him alone. I feel like I’ve gotten mixed signals, and all my stuff is still in the apartment.

    I am confused. I’ve had many relationships and breakups but none this confusing. Do I keep reaching out? Do I ask for my stuff back if I really just want him back? Do I give him more space?

    1. Do I keep reaching out?

      Yes and no.

      Yes because you don’t want to give up after just one attempt. I will recommend at least 4 to 5 times.

      No as in your don’t want to keep bombarding him with text messages. Wait a while, say a week or two before you reach out again.

      Also, it is good to know why he didn’t respond. One possible reason is he doesn’t feel ready to engage you yet. If that is the case, then maybe more time is needed.

      Another possible reason is the way you reach out to him. Maybe the text message you send is too long or too emotional. For example, if you try to talk about the relationship, then this kind of message is unlikely going to get a reply.

      Do I ask for my stuff back if I really just want him back?

      This doesn’t affect your chances of getting your ex back. If you need your stuff, just ask for it. Eventually, whether you can get back together with him depends on whether you have the skills to get him to open up. It depends on your ability to connect with him emotionally. So whether you ask for your stuff back or not doesn’t really make a big difference.

      Do I give him more space?

      As mentioned above, he didn’t respond to you either because he isn’t ready to engage you or because of the text you send or maybe both. So giving it a bit of time can help. You also want to take note of how you reach out to him.

      1. Thanks! Yeah, I think what happened really scared him and made him feel powerless.

        I don’t need my stuff–i just hear a lot of mixed messages about whether to get it back. My assumption is we’re going to have to have a conversation at some point, about stuff or not. So thanks for confirming. Could he be so frozen that he hasn’t pushed on me getting my stuff out either?

        The last text was just a feeler: nothing long, just said that I’d finally made it to a place we’d wanted to go together, and it made me think of him. That was about 10 days ago now. So thanks; I’ll reach out again soon. I really respect him and the need for space so I really don’t want to play games or push.

        Thanks so much for the help, Sam.

  11. My ex left me 3 months ago and he has already met someone else and moved in together so quickly we were together for 7 years and I never saw it coming he was stringing me along until a replacement came along he was so mean to me and I had breast cancer also he never supported me either just went out drinking every weekend instead I still love him as we have both been thru a lot. He does not answer me or answer my texts he just dumped me like a hotcake and I’m devastated.. I don’t think I have any chance of getting him back his new gf writes nasty stuff on Facebook about me calling me an unstable nutter etc I’m really hurt and I don’t think I will ever see him again even just to communicate with him is just impossible he doesn’t respond . I think I will have to apply the no contact rule now but not sure what to do .. Is this a rebound relationship he is in?

  12. Hi, I was seeing (we were not officially dating) a guy I really like for three months before we got into our first argument. Shortly after, he started to blow me off to hang out with another girl. After two weeks of him blowing me off, I finally texted him and said that we shouldn’t hang out anymore. At first he replied with “Ok.” Then later that night he texted me again with an excuse, followed by “but do whatever you feel is best.” Because that was the first day of my implementing the no contact rule, I have not replied. It’s been a couple days and I haven’t heard from him… Does the no contact rule apply to my situation as well? I want him to realize that he messed up, and hopefully when we do start talking again he’ll want to make me his girlfriend, but I’m not sure if he completely moved on with this other girl or not. Help please!

  13. I’ve been dating this guy for 3 years then his sister mentioned marriage and he freaked out. Later he said he was unhappy and can’t be in a relationship anymore. I did not beg. I said ok if this makes you happy. I didn’t contact him but 4 days later, he ask how I’m doing and been doing this for 2 weeks now and even compliments me on Social media. When he is going through a hard time, I’m the one he text and then he calls me beautiful I’m like ok? Does this mean he regrets and wants me back?

    1. Not necessary, though the possibility is there. With that said, as much as you want him back, it may not be a good idea to just get back together. Otherwise, you are just getting back into the same relationship with the same problem.

      It seems like your ex has some commitment issues. Thus, before you even get back together, it may be a good idea to sort this out first. If not, a breakup will happen again when the word “marriage” is mentioned.

  14. I am asking for your opinion. My boyfriend, well now ex, and i are 20 years old and in college. We’ve been together for over a year and truly do love each other. My ex interns in California every other 4 months, which has been an issue for our relationship. He leaves to go back August 20th.

    We recently broke up after a lot of fighting recently. In the past I am always the one to come after him after a fight, he always wants to chill and come back later, and I’m not like that, I always text first so I’m sure it’s weird that I haven’t spoken to him. He said he can’t handle the fighting, and can’t do it anymore. It hurt me because I feel like he gave up on me, but maybe the space is good for us, because a lot of times he was mean to me and then would feel bad and apologize. He said he wouldn’t rule out talking and being friendly after he gets home around Christmas time. He even said the dreaded (maybe we can just be friends thing) I think he was honestly just upset during all of this, and was being rash. I pretty much begged for him to see me and break up with me in person (because this was all over text) my things are still at his place, and he told me to stop begging and he isn’t going to pretend that a break is going to fix anything. (I think he’s wrong) why doesn’t he want to be better and make it work?

    I felt like he doesn’t listen, and he says all I do is yell and nag. It’s a cycle. When he ended it, he told me we can’t be together “right now” he loves me but we can’t be together now. I think he was upset and angry. We have the same group of friends which is difficult, but my friends have been saying that he says he misses me, he loves me, wants to be with me, but can’t as of now. Do I still go out with our group of friends, I’m worried to see him before 30 days is up. Or do I stay home and avoid him.

    My mom said something to him on the phone after hearing me crying, she wasn’t mean, but I’m sure it hurt his pride. He said it is impossible now for us to be together because of that, (but he said that the day we broke up) my mom wrote him a 2 page letter because other than that fight they’ve always gotten along. Do you think we have a chance? We broke up over fighting, nothing crazy happened and we both care and love each other. I am terrified that 30 days will come and I won’t have a message from him or if I text him after 30 days he won’t answer. I’m not sure what to do here. I am on day 12 of NC btw. Our last text was in a positive light, about hoping the best for us, and he didn’t respond. In my gut and heart I feel like this will work out. I also should note we broke up for a week in March and he was extremely angry and mean and said things that weren’t okay, and also said we would never get back together, but we did.

  15. I’m 41, ex 47. Dated for 2 1/2 yrs. Were inseparable, so much in love, never fought, always agreed on everything, talked about marriage and having a child together, couldn’t do anything without each other. Said he’s never felt for anyone the way he felt for me. But, he broke up with me about 5 months ago.

    He’s legally separated going through divorce now. His ex giving him hard time with divorce. His business isn’t going so great right either. Sometimes I think he’s going through midlife crisis :/ Marriage was bad, her parents got involved, all 3 were always against him. He stuck around because of his kids, didn’t want them to think he was leaving because of them but until they saw what was really going on. My mom is very negative and she said few things to him, I was there for 1 of the things. I said something back to her but I guess it wasn’t enough for him. He decided he never wanted to see her again. He felt like she wasn’t taking him seriously. I thought I was ok with him not wanting to see her until 1 day I got upset he wasn’t coming with me to my parents and that got him upset. He felt like I didn’t support his decision so he thought we’ll have problems in the future just because of it and history will repeat itself. We broke up, then got back together next day. We talked, everything seemed to be going well.

    His divorce was coming up, he went to his lawyer and I guess didn’t get great new, he didn’t feel like talking about it. Then a month ltr we got into a fight, which came out of no where, I mentioned my mom and he just got up, packed few of his things and left(we were living together for 2 yrs). I tried the no contact for about 2 months but only lasted 2 weeks, either he contacted me or i contacted him. We hung out few times and I would always bring us up, he didn’t want to hear it. He said it’s over with us and that’s it.

    Night before he went on vaca we hung out, giving pecks on lips, hugging constantly, and he said no on e was going to steal him. He promised me we would do something when I show up for vaca (our family is from same country) and he broke the promise. He was on vaca for 5 weeks, 1st 3 weeks he was always contacting me, sending me pictures and videos of what he was doing, who he was with and where he was until he met someone a week or 2 before he came back home. You can say (I’m not 100% sure he did) but broke his promise because he chose to be with the other person. His cousin and best friends wife tried to talk to him, not for me but for him. They knew how he was before he met me, how he was when we were together and how is now and they don’t like the now. While we were together he was all there, in place( i can’t think of the word) and now that he’s not with me he doesn’t know what to do with himself, he’s lost and confused, he seemed to them as not all there. I heard he’s thinking I asked them to talk to him but I didn’t. They told me they were going to talk to him because of him, not because of me…they’re not happy at all he broke it off.

    Since we came back from vaca (a month) we haven’t talked. We’ve seen each other few times and didn’t say a word to each other. One day it bothered me so I sent him a text asking if we can talk not about us but to help me move on. He said there’s no point of talking because we are done. He wished me luck and happiness. I sent another text saying “I need to hear from you that you don’t love me anymore”, his response was ” I don’t love you” I was a mess! :'( In a way I felt that he said it just because I told him to.

    I don’t want to move on, I want him. From day 1 I always did. Last time I saw him (2 weeks ago) he was at my cousins house. I came after him ( didn’t know he was there. I asked my cousin not to let me know when he is) and i just showed up. I kissed him on the cheek hello and again, didn’t say a word to each other. He decided to leave few hrs ltr and i didn’t think he was going to say bye because he got up and started to walk out but then he stopped, turned around, waved and said bye to me with a sad face. My cousin said he’s really going through a tough time. He’s bored, doesn’t know what to do with himself and he seems lost which is exactly what his cousin and best friends wife told me…he has no one here :( when we were together he said all he had was me and his kids.

    After I saw him at my cousins I sent him a text(last weekend) to lets go out for a drink and he never responded. I know at the time I sent it he was asleep but usually before vaca incident if i text him late he’d send me a text next day letting me know he was already asleep but this time he didn’t :(

    I miss him so much…what do I need to do? Do you think the no contact rule will help me or should I try to be in contact with him? I do want to be there for him while he’s going through this tough time.

  16. Hello,
    I will try to make this as short as possible..
    I and my ex-boyfriend were together for 1.5 years. We fell in love when we first met and went out. The first time we officially went on date, we knew each other was the one. I stayed with him since then (we lived together) and we were never apart from each other for longer than 5 hours. then after 6 months, long distance started. we had never been apart from each other since we first slept together. He told me how much he wanted to marry me, so it was very difficult for us. Everyone told me they could see just how much he loves me by the way he looks at me. and both our parents liked us together. He was so sweet to me, and I took it for granted. We did the long distance for over a year, and we were going to get married next year. Then he started the intensive course and got very busy 24/7 for 3 months. we couldn’t talk for a week and still, we loved each other and were doing fine. but after 2 month, because he had to think about the course all the time and was under a lot of pressure, I noticed he wasn’t himself anymore. I should have supported him but I got upset instead because he was being rude and insensitive.. we had a small fight that turned into a big fight. we took a week break (we were broken up), but decided to get back together and work things out. Then he told me he couldn’t care for anyone else and he’s losing himself.. After a few days, he told me he liked someone else and told me didn’t love me anymore. I realized then that I had been too selfish and I apologized. He told me little things had been bothering him and he “intentionally” did not tell me about them, and that it is now too late. He even told me it was his fault. He told me that he’d been telling me things to just make me happy. He then explained that he and his “friend” he likes hung out and she kissed him. He said that he made choice that day and realized he didn’t love me anymore. He told me he would kiss again and even have sex with her if she asked him to. He swore me that he wasn’t breaking up with me for her or that he wants to be with her at all. He rushed the break up talk to go to a party and I have not talked to him since then (Though I sent him letters just before we broke up). After one month, I saw his pictures on FB and noticed that he still had the ring on I gave him. He never changed the relationship status (we are still “in a relationship” on FB), and that he never deleted our couple app. He messaged me on our couple app after a few days of his course graduation that he got the letters and he is very very thankful and he appreciates it. The message sounded genuine, and I’m wondering if he came to his senses.. On the day he dumped me, I told him I was going to go see him the next month, so he is wondering if I am still visiting him. I wrote in the letter that I am not, but I really want to IF he wants to get back. We live on different continent now, but in fact I’m moving to the city that’s 1 hour away from him by plane. I haven’t replied to his message yet. I still cannot believe that he doesn’t love me anymore because he always told me how special I was and I never doubted he stops loving me. It’s only been a month since we broke up but thanks to his sister, all my friends and family, I am moving on. I want to get back still, but I don’t know what he wants, and I don’t want to get hurt by getting my hopes up. Do you think we still stand a chance? What should I do now? :(

    1. If you do not give it your very best effort, you will not know the outcome.

      Your first step is to take the time to figure out what you really want. If you have decided that you really want to save this relationship, then your second step is to develop your emotional strength and courage.

      Why do you need to do that?

      Because you are asking for the impossible.

      All relationships involved risks, whether you are dating someone new or trying to save a relationship.

      So there will always be a chance of getting hurt. If you choose not to open your heart for the fear of getting hurt, then you will never able to experience the love you are chasing after.

      If you are so afraid of getting hurt, then it means you are not emotionally ready to get your ex back yet.

      So you need to take the time to heal first and develop your emotional strength. Most relationships can be saved, even situations that seem impossible. Your situation is not the worst I have seen, so your chance is definitely there.

      The question is, do you have the emotional strength to weather the ups and downs?

      If you want to learn the proper way to get your ex back, you can sign up for our newsletter.

  17. My ex and I have been on ups and downs after he lost trust in me in first year of us dating. Before that we were so in love and he give me anything I want afraid to lose me. So because I think I am responsible for how he’s feeling, I thought being kind and understanding would be the best that I should do for him. To make it short, I was the submissive one in the relationship. After a year again, he tried breaking up with me but we still communicate and I go to their house whenever I can. Until I found out I was pregnant so he came back to me. After a month I had miscarriage and got depressed. I have always been emotional but this made him think that we’re not gonna get anywhere if I ask a lot of emotional support from him so he cut the cord. To be honest I attempted to bid him goodbye and kill myself but he showed up and asked that never should I do that. So we got back again (this happened within a day).

    Fast forward, everything was okay again and we are ready to celebrate our second year of love in a 5-day vacation out of town and we had a lot of fun. Going home I became emotional again. Things got different after the trip. I almost told myself we shouldn’t have taken the trip if I knew this is gonna happen because we were so okay before that.

    Fast forward, I got a new job and he supported me while doing all the requirements and my first two weeks there. When I felt he is having lots of excuses again and not opening up again I asked him what’s his problem and he doesn’t talk. He just gets angry with me (he is a very nice guy be easily gets angry at me) and then brought up the break up thing. When I received the “I think we should just break up if this we gonna stay like this” i didn’t reply. And didn’t contact each other for two days. He ended up asking to meet me and he said he realized he was so harsh on me. And that he never had a clear thinking when we were not talking. He listened to my kind of songs and even looked to my family’s facebook to see if there’s any news of me he can get (he doesn’t really use FB much and he did because of looking for me). We had a simple late night dinner together and then we’re okay.

    After a week, just because I didn’t text him for 6 hrs after work he didn’t text me the entire night and the next day while I was asking him whats wrong. I got mad and told him if you’re gonna stay like this torturing me we should separate. He responded with okay, I wasn’t cool and went to his house and begged. Crying in the car while he is on his way to work (no time we just talked in the car), he was so cold and to make it short, we got back again after he texted we should not fight again and don’t hurt yourself. We were all okay after that.

    He went on a beach with friends after maybe 2 weeks or three from the last fight. He was not giving me updates like he used to. I didn’t know there was one girl and that he’ll be the one to drive and they’ll be using his car. I didn’t really bother him while on the vacation but when they got back, I told him all the things that he should have done. And why the girl is wearing his bonnet and sitting beside him in the van. He said the girl was a mutual friend and not just sitting beside him but beside our other guy friend too. That night over text, he said we should talk things the next morning. I said i cant let him go, that he should give me more time until i can let him go cause I’m too attached and my life was all into him. (i have a lot of first time with him and don’t know where I’ll be if not because of him). So we met the next day. He tucked me to bed and we had sex but he said he just couldn’t resist the feeling of next to me. So he said the reason we should break up was we’re on a loop. We fight, we break up, we make up, get okay after a while and then fight again. That there will be no progress in a year or two if we stay like that and we’re not growing. I was crying silently (i always cry aloud) and we just hug each other all day, kiss and act like everything’s okay.

    The next day, I thought I can win him back but its the same. He confirmed he just do the thing I told him to to (to e nice to me until I can let him go. The entire relationship he is always angry at me but after break up he was all nice and caring and thoughtful. So we were together 2 days after the breakup until I read about the no contact rule. He even texted good morning to me thinking that I am into texting him again (I’m always the first one to text) but I didn’t reply its been 4 days now). I see him in fb going out with old friends that he never got used to because of his schedule and I’m alright. I talk to myself everyday and contemplating about how I can improve myself. I hope after 30 days of NC it will be worth it. I’m afraid that after 30 days we won’t be able to get back.

    1. Your situation is not impossible. But before you try to save this relationship, there is a lot of inner work you need to do.

      The quality of your relationship is largely determined by how much you work on yourself. From what you mentioned so far, it seems like you were relying totally on your ex for your emotional needs. That is very unhealthy for any relationship. It is also a very heavy burden for your ex.

      So try to find other ways to fulfill your emotional needs. Take some time alone to do some self reflection. Which area of your life is lacking and unfulfilling? What are some concrete steps you can take to improve those areas of your life.

      Whether you believe it or not, all areas of your life are interconnected. One area of your life, for example your career can affect another area of your life such as your relationship.

      If you want to save this relationship and make it even better, you need to tackle the root problems. Surface level approach is not going to work. So don’t expect 30 days of NC to magically save your relationship. 30 days of NC is not going to help you if you are not doing anything constructive during this period.

      So make sure you actually work on yourself during this period. As for exactly how to work on yourself so that you can increase your chances of getting your ex back, this is something you will learn in our newsletter. You can sign up if you haven’t already.

  18. Hi, so me and my ex boyfriend were dating for 3 years and we in love with each other. This past few months have been real hard because he decided to send nudes to another girl. I broke up with him after i found out but then got back together with him a few days later. Ever since then it still bothered me till it came to the point where i asked to think about things and he said yes. The next day i wrote him a letter explaining my feelings and how i felt and he took it ok. I was still thinking about it so i avoided being around him for about 2 days. When i called him he wouldnt answer. The next day i asked why he didnt respond to my calls (because he never ignored my calls before) and he said he didnt have to so he broke up with me. I spent the next two days trying to understand what happened but he just wants me to leave him alone. Two days after the breakup he started hanging out with a girl and told me all about her. (Which made me mad but i didn’t respond) and then i just left him alone like he asked. Then two weeks past and he is now talking to two different girls at the same time but he is keeping an eye on me. He is jealous of this guy that is hanging around me and yesterday he showed up at the gym unexpected and found me sitting in the main room because i injured my self. Right then he was acting like he was back when we were dating and it caught me by surprise. Then he said he is still attracted to me and kissed me and my hand.right then i was confused so i asked what did i do j have done nothing but leave u alone and he said exactly u have done nothing. So the rest of the time he wasnt ignoring me or acting cold towards me he was actually acting like he did when we were dating. Finally i asked if he was with me or not ( because this wasnt the first time he did this) and he said no and ignored me. But friends have been telling me that he told them he still loved me. Of course i didnt know how to respond so i said nothing. Later his friend said he told him that he dont feel with me anymore. But he still has all me cards and gifts I made and gave to him over the years still sitting on his desk. He even still wears the clothes i bought for him. He listens to all our songs all day, looks at our old emails, and even look at all my snapchats ( but blocked me on everything else).

    I honestly think he is playing games with me and he still has some type of feelings but i dont know what to do. Should i leave him alone and do the NC Contract? I really want to fix things between us and make things work for us. He said we will get back together eventually. What are your thoughts because i am lost.

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