How to Get your Ex Back: 8 Simple Tips

Do you yearn to get your ex boyfriend or girlfriend back after breaking up? After doing a little soul searching and spending time apart, you finally realized that the one you were with was the love of your life. No need to beat yourself up about it because these things happen more often than you think.

I’ve seen many people break up and try to move on, only to realize that they made a huge mistake letting go of the person they were already with. It’s a sad reality that a lot of us are unfortunately too familiar with.

Trying to get back with an ex can be very tricky. Wouldn’t it be nice if you can win your ex boyfriend or girlfriend back without doing anything? But it’s never too late to try to rekindle the love that you once shared.

It’s just a matter of making the right moves at the right time so fight the urge to plan any of your elaborate schemes. If you’re serious about giving love a second chance with an ex, here are 8 tips that could help you out.


Does The No Contact Rule Work?

Alright, before we even talk about the 8 tips, I would like to address a frequently asked question, “Does the no contact rule work?” You can read that article for the answer. With that said, let’s move on to the 8 tips.


1. Pace Yourself

Whether you have just broken up or you are trying to get your ex back after a year, you need to pace yourself so that you won’t push them away.

You don’t want to come off too eager in winning back your ex as much as you want to do so quickly. After all, you want to get your ex back without looking desperate, begging and being needy.

You don’t want to end up losing your dignity. Take it slow and let the process run its own course. Try not to be pushy, especially if you were the one who ended things. Just because you have history there doesn’t give you a right to rush getting back together.

Sharing a past actually puts you at a disadvantage because you’ll need to deal with unresolved issues. You should take time to reassess who you are so that you know how you can improve yourself this time around. Also, do not engage in mind games.

Take This Quiz to Get Customized Breakup Advice for Your Unique Situation

2. Start With a Text or PM

Once you’re in the right perspective, you can start reconnecting. I recommend starting small like sending a text or a PM on Facebook. This gives you the perfect opportunity to see if your ex is willing to reconnect with you again without the pressure of a phone call or a meet up.

Keep the message short and sincere. Maybe ask about how they’re doing. If you’re lucky, your ex will respond back and you can start communicating again. I know it can be daunting to be the one to try to establish the first contact, but remember to keep your spirits high. After all, if you want your ex back more than they want you back, you have no choice but to be the one who gets the ball rolling.


3. Open Up Communication

Once you’ve made your move, it’s time to slowly open up the communication lines again. Try not to overwhelm your ex with information overload at this point. Send casual messages every once in a while, but don’t do it every day. Again, you don’t want to come off as overeager, or worse, desperate.

Think of it as starting with a clean slate. You’re just getting to know the person again so keep it casual. Don’t even mention about getting back together again without as much as a good catch-up. Let your ex come around at his or her own time.


4. Make Your Intentions Known Subtly

Once you do get to talking regularly, don’t propose getting back together off the bat. I know you want your ex back now. But there’s a higher risk that you might only scare the ex away. Try to get comfortable with each other again before you start any serious talks.

You can make your intentions felt in a way without having to say out loud what you really want. For example, you can flirt with your ex if the situation feels right. This can create a little bit of sexual tension. After all, you don’t want to fall into the friend zone. The important thing is that you keep the conversation light especially if you’ve just started to catch up.


5. Apologize

Usually, it is not a good idea to apologize just after breaking up. This is because an apology is going to stir up negative feelings. The only exception is when you have done something very wrong. For example, if you insulted him or her while arguing, then it is appropriate to apologize for that.

Of course, once you started rekindling the positive feelings in your ex, make sure that you find the opportunity to have a sincere talk. No one is perfect so it shouldn’t matter to the both of you who broke up with whom. If you have anything that you need to apologize for, this is the perfect time to own up.

Don’t let your pride hold you back and keep you bitter. By acknowledging your shortcomings, you’ll be ready to open up a new chapter in your lives. You’ll both be able to move on from the hurt and focus on the good things that are coming your way. Trust me, once you apologize, the next steps will be easier.


6. Start a Friendship

The great thing about getting back with an ex is that it gives you a second chance to start a friendship with someone you consider to be very special in your life. Don’t look at this as continuing a broken love affair. Instead, look at it as an opportunity to start something new.

And the best way to start a love affair is to start a friendship. The best romantic relationships are those that began in friendships. Don’t dwell too much on labels and put pressure on becoming a couple instantly. Just have fun with the new found friendship and enjoy each other’s company.

When you have a strong friendship with your partner, the relationship will be able to stand the test of time. After all, you do want your ex back permanently, don’t you? You want to do so without breaking up again and again.


7. Avoid Talking About The Past

Once you become comfortable being with each other again, avoid going down memory lane and hashing out the past unless doing so can help to improve the relationship.

Always remember this. The old relationship is dead the moment you broke up with your ex. So there is no point trying to get the old relationship back. What you want is to start a brand new and better relationship.

It would be better to keep your sights on the future. There’s no way that you can start a new relationship if you’re going to keep on bringing up everything that happened in the past.

And this doesn’t just apply to bad memories; it should also be applied to the happy ones as well. This is your second chance to get things right — don’t mess it up by being a slave to the past.


8. Be Yourself

Last but not the least, always be yourself. No matter how much you’ve messed up in the past, you need to show that you are the better version of that person that your ex fell in love with. There’s no point pretending to be someone you’re not just to win an old love back.

I know you may wish to get back together no matter what but you shouldn’t change yourself completely just to make someone else happy. Of course I would suggest that you change your bad traits, but don’t change your identity.

As much as you think you need your ex in your life, you shouldn’t let someone else’s perception of you take control over you. Always remember that you deserve to love, and be loved, just the way you are.


Are You Willing to Put In Effort to Get Your Ex Back?

If you do, we invite you to sign up for our newsletter below.

Getting your ex back requires real effort on your part. You need to be willing to spend time to work on yourself and develop new skills.

Unfortunately, there are many websites out there are teaching you to play mind games on your ex. If you follow their advice and play mind games on your ex, don’t be surprise when it backfires on you.

Don’t take our words for it. Just google for yourself and you will see how many websites are teaching you reverse psychology and all sort of mind games.

Using reverse psychology to get your ex back is very dangerous.

Even if it works temporarily, your ex is probably going to leave you again because the root cause of the breakup is not addressed in the first place.

If you want to get your ex back in a healthy way, you need to learn a set of new skills so that it will increase your ability to connect with your ex on a deep emotional level.

Take This Quiz to Get Customized Breakup Advice for Your Unique Situation

58 thoughts on “How to Get your Ex Back: 8 Simple Tips

  1. hey,
    a guy i started to date earlier this year and i just broke up. it’s a long distance relationship. (not that distant, but an hour and a half). we both have full schedules and it’s really hard to plan things so far out.

    anyways, i always think our relationship was doomed from the start. i was originally suppose to move to another country, and he broke up with me before it got too serious. but at this point, i think i was in love with him. so i changed my mind about moving to said country (for more reasons than him. it was just my breaking point of choosing not to go) and it had me questioning everything. (my faith, my career, who i was, etc) we got back together a week later, but i sorta wish that i put sometime in-between getting back with him. i needed time to figure myself out, and in the meantime he went through some crazy anxiety stuff and his dad unexpectedly passed.

    at the end of the day – it was his decision. he told me he didn’t want to influence my life decisions and he liked that i was so stable and knew what i wanted and that he really cares about me. and i agree – i need time to heal and figure myself out. i’m a mess. and i care about him and i want him happy.

    at the end of our conversation, i asked him if we’d never talk again. he said he wouldn’t say that. we just need some time. another thing, too. he would tell me about his other exes and how he would go cold on them after breakups because he can’t help it. The first time we broke up, in tears, i begged him not to do that to me. I couldn’t handle it. he promised he wouldn’t. he then brought it up this past time without me asking and he said that he won’t be a jerk and that if i ever needed someone to talk to in the future, he was available. (obviously with some much needed time)

    this is really hard for me because i really connected with him. we talked for HOURS on end and i felt so comfortable around him. that’s so rare for me with a guy. we’re different but we always understood each other. and this is killing me. i really liked that we never played games and we were always so forward with each other.

    with that being said, he did say that at the end of the day it wasn’t really our ‘problems’ that was causing this, but because i live in state x and he lives in state y and we’re both horrible at planning. my friend happen to be moving to a city closer to him and i had been in communication with her for a few months about moving with her.

    It’s still my plan to move but it won’t be for another six-seven months. I did mention it was a possibility but I know that we will need time before I tell him this. I am a very insecure girl and I need to work on that amongst other things and I am aware of this.

    Anyways, he did say that in the future we could meet up for a meal or something to catch up. I know he cares about me. It just got so complicated and hard with the distance. We couldn’t hold each other in the darkest of times… when it was most important.

    I don’t want to play games & I’m hoping to become stronger and a better version of myself. Not for him (but obviously that would be a plus :p)

    1. No contact itself is not going to magically solve all your problems, regardless of the type of relationship, long distance or not.

      It is more about what you do during no contact that determines whether no contact will work.

      For example, if the breakup is due to poor communication, your communication skill is not going to suddenly improve after 30 days if you never put in the effort to study and practice communication skills.

      If the breakup is because you don’t know how to keep the passion alive in a relationship, you are not going to suddenly become a relationship expert after 30 days.

      It is not contact rule that works. It is what you choose to do during no contact that is going to make a difference. If you want to learn how to get your ex back properly, you can sign up for our newsletter to learn more.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *